IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information about the journey to school by children aged 11 to 16 in the UK in a year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Your report should comprise a minimum of 150 words.

The chart below gives information about the journey to school by children aged 11 to 16 in the UK in a year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Your report should comprise a minimum of 150 words.
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The given bar chart
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the information about how British
students
Use synonyms
commuting
Wrong verb form
commute
show examples
 to school.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that as the
distance
Use synonyms
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
further
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 tend to change from walking to commuting by bus.
Additionally
Linking Words
, none of the young learners choose to walk
as well as
Linking Words
 ride
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 bike at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
distance
Use synonyms
 of over 5
miles
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the clean vehicles where there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 no
students
Use synonyms
 participate
in
Change preposition
apply
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at over 5
miles
Use synonyms
. As for walking,
while
Linking Words
 the 1-2
miles
Use synonyms
 doubled the 2-5 one in student’s choices (exactly 60%), it is only
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
three quarter
Add a hyphen
three-quarter
show examples
 of the 0-1
miles
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile,
biker
Fix the agreement mistake
bikers
show examples
 made up
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
merely 50% of
students
Use synonyms
 at 0-1 and 2-5
miles
Use synonyms
 which is nearly half of the 1-2 mile
distance
Use synonyms
. Moving onto the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
remaining vehicles where there is a big
discreprancy
Correct your spelling
discrepancy
 in
students
Use synonyms
 commuting by bus with the range of
apporxiamtely
Correct your spelling
approximately
 70% and more than 0% between 0-1 and over 5
miles
Use synonyms
, respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, 5 times more
students
Use synonyms
 go by bus at 2-5
miles
Use synonyms
, compared to 10% of the
students
Use synonyms
 in 1-2
miles
Use synonyms
. In terms of
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
, those who chose
this
Linking Words
 vehicle for 0-1
miles
Use synonyms
 comprised
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around 10% which is a third of 2-5
miles
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 there is a minor difference from 20-21% at the
distance
Use synonyms
 of 1-2 and over 5
miles
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, distance, miles with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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