some people think that government should ban dangerous sports while others think people should have freedom to do anysports or activity. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Whether people should be able to freely choose the
sports
or activities they want to partake in has become a topic of discussion.
While
some people argue that dangerous
sports
should be restricted, I firmly believe that the decision should lie with the players. On the one hand, it is true that dangerous
sports
can come with several risks to the participants. Players always face life-threatening perils once they decide to take part in extreme
sports
, especially those that involve highly specialized
gears
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gear
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, namely skydiving,
motor-racing
Correct your spelling
motor racing
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, or mountain climbing.
However
experienced the participants are, though rare, chances are that the required equipment can malfunction,
thus
causing the participants fatal wounds or even deaths.
For instance
, in May
,
Remove the comma
apply
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2021, a first-time skydiver and his experienced instructor were hospitalized
due to
parachute malfunctions in McLaren Vale, Australia.
On the other hand
, I firmly advocate
for
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apply
show examples
the idea that players should have the autonomy to partake in any sport. To start with, one’s well-being is first and foremost within their individual liberties,
therefore
, banning a person from chasing their passion is unreasonable, especially when they have fully acknowledged the threats that come with it. For adrenaline junkies, extreme
sports
give them pleasure. Preventing them from
sports
such
as skydiving or snowboarding equals taking away their source of happiness.
Moreover
, in reality, the preparation for these dangerous
sports
is always painstaking in order to reduce the chance of mortality.
For example
, one would need to pass a skydiving certification course if
they
Correct pronoun usage
one
show examples
wish
Correct subject-verb agreement
wishes
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to skydive solo. In conclusion,
while
extreme
sports
are dangerous in some ways, I am of the opinion that they can be beneficial to the players’ mental well-being and
thus
should not be prohibited.
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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task by discussing both viewpoints and offering your own opinion. This demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt.
task achievement
To enhance your essay, consider providing slightly more detailed analysis or counterarguments to further strengthen your discussion.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and logical structure, making it easy to follow your ideas. The essay includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is excellent.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next with appropriate transitional phrases. This will make your essay even more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are well-supported with relevant examples and explanations, adding depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Great introduction and conclusion that clearly present the topic and your viewpoint.
task achievement
Effective use of specific examples, such as the skydiving incident in May 2021, to support your points.
task achievement
Clear and comprehensive ideas are effectively communicated, with strong arguments for both viewpoints.
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