IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the two pie charts below show the online shopping shakes for retail sectors in Canada in 2055 and 2010

the two pie charts below show the online shopping shakes for retail sectors in Canada in 2055 and 2010
#two #show #sectors #canada
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These
given
Verb problem
apply
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pie charts illustrate four different retail categories sold online in proportion, include:
electronics&Appliance
Correct your spelling
appliance
, food& beverage,
home
Use synonyms
 furnishings and
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in 2005, Electronics &
appliance
Fix the agreement mistake
appliances
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 predominated the whole kinds of products, with more than a third of the total.
While
Linking Words
 it had a decline of 5% to 30% in 2010,
but
Correct word choice
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it was still the second
popular
Correct quantifier usage
most popular
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 option to choose.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Home
Use synonyms
furnitures
Change the wording
furniture
types of furniture
pieces of furniture
items of furniture
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 accounted
a
Change preposition
for a
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quarter of the total in 2005,
however
Linking Words
, it decreased significantly to 15% by 2010, indicating the change channels of
home
Use synonyms
furnishings’
Change noun form
furnishings
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 selling.
Secondly
Linking Words
, food&beverage and
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 constituted less than the other two products, with 22% and 18%, respectively,
while
Linking Words
after
Change preposition
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5 years later, food%beverage increased dramatically to 32%, and
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 rose to approximately a quarter(23%), which means the requirement of these two kinds of products varied positively.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the consumption of
electronics&Appliance
Correct your spelling
electronics and appliances
 and
home
Use synonyms
 furnishings
had
Wrong verb form
has
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 been not
that
Correct word choice
as
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 essential
than
Change preposition
as
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 before,
in contrast
Linking Words
, the
increasing
Replace the word
increase
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of
Change preposition
in
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food&beverage
Correct your spelling
food and beverage
 and
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
indicate
Correct subject-verb agreement
indicates
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 people transformed concepts of recreation and food.
Submitted by xhwangg1231 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words home, video, games with synonyms.
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