IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Governments should focus their spending on plic services rather than on the arts. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There are some arguments that the governments should concentrate on the expenditure on the
services
Use synonyms
 for the community rather than some artistic provides.
This
Linking Words
 writer agrees with
this
Linking Words
 opinion and will outline the reasons in the essay below. It is vital to understand that public
services
Use synonyms
 play an important role in our lives. Public facilities
such
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 as hospitals, schools and shopping malls are necessary for human life. Schools provide a huge amount of knowledge that satisfies human curiosity and enhances extensive knowledge
that is
Linking Words
 helpful for
people
Use synonyms
's lives. Medical
services
Use synonyms
 are the essential sectors that governments should invest in and health care important for citizens because it prevents harmful and damaged diseases that may lead to detrimental effects on our health. Based on good comprehensive education, environment and medical care,
people
Use synonyms
 might boost their energy for productive work and
also
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 raise their potential development.
Therefore
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, all of
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 factors contribute to a better life quality. In another aspect , public amenities might increase the job opportunities for
people
Use synonyms
. In these days and ages, the unemployment rate has increased dramatically because of overpopulation and economic recession. The governments should invest in more facilities for communities that can give work opportunities to
people
Use synonyms
 because it requires a large amount of workers. The investment of the city council could
efficient
Add a missing verb
be efficient
show examples
 for the country's economy and
also
Linking Words
 reduce the unemployment condition these days.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it contributes
significant
Change preposition
to significant
show examples
 development for individuals and society in general. In conclusion, the arts are
also
Linking Words
 an essential part of the country's culture and modern lifestyles but public
services
Use synonyms
 should be focused on to improve
better
Correct word choice
quality of
show examples
 life quality.

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task achievement
Your essay has a clear response to the task and the main idea is well-presented. However, to achieve a higher score, make sure all parts of the prompt are addressed. For example, consider discussing potential counterarguments or balances.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that contributes to the overall argument. Try to improve logical structure by better linking your points for smoother transitions. For example, use connectives to explicitly show relationships between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay currently presents ideas in a straightforward manner, but enhancing sentence variety and complexity will improve clarity and comprehensiveness. Try to avoid repetition and enrich your vocabulary to articulate points more precisely.
task achievement
Examples given are relevant, but more specific, real-world examples could strengthen your argument. Research some statistics or specific cases where government spending on public services had a tangible positive impact.
task achievement
A strong conclusion that underscores the importance of public services over the arts, while acknowledging the latter's value.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure with an evident introduction and conclusion, which provides a good framework for presenting your argument.
task achievement
You successfully highlighted the necessity of public services like education and healthcare for better quality of life, and you also made a relevant connection to job opportunities.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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