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Band 5

Topic: When asked to choose between a life without work and working most of the time, people would always choose not to work. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#topic #life #work #time #people
Human activities are integral to our daily lives, with financial stability often tied to employment.
While
 some aspire to lead a
life
 without
work
, I strongly disagree with
this
 motion.
However
, I
also
 acknowledge that relentless
work
 may not necessarily equate to prosperity. Living without engaging in any meaningful
work
 can result in societal disdain and familiar tensions. Individuals who idle away their time risk being perceived as indolent or
burden
Wrong verb form
burdened
show examples
.
Such
 individuals often squander their day pm frivolous activities involving watching genres of
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
,
socializing
Correct word choice
and socializing
show examples
 without contributing to social responsibilities or taxes.
Consequently
, they miss out on societal benefits and face a lack of community assistance.
This
 mindset can be attributed, in part, to upbringing and family dynamics. Overidudgeut families may foster a sense of entitlement. Leading each person to neglect the value of
work
.
Therefore
, it is imperative to
instill
Change the spelling
instil
show examples
 strong moral values and a sense of responsibility early on. Adversity,
such
 as experiencing poverty, can serve as a potent data list for instilling a
work
 ethic.
On the other hand
, an obsessive focus on
work
 can
also
 have detrimental effects. Some person consumed by their careers often neglect familial bonds, missing crucial moments and
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
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 of dinners.
This
work centric
Add a hyphen
work-centric
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 lifestyle, common in higher societal strata, may lead to health issues, stress and depression. Striking a balance between
work
 and leisure is essential for
overall
 well-being. In conclusion, a
life
 devoid of meaningful
work
with
Change preposition
apply
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lacks
of
Change preposition
apply
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societal respect and
supporting
Change the form of the verb
support
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,
while
 an
overly
Change the adverb
over
show examples
work centric
Add a hyphen
work-centric
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 existence can jeopardize
health
Add an article
the health
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 and familiar harmony. Striving for a balanced approach, where
work
 is valued but not to the detriment of
Add an article
a person
show examples
person
Change noun form
person's
show examples
life
, is vital for a fulfilling and enjoyable
life
.
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task achievement
You've made a clear introduction that establishes your stance on the topic. However, work on providing more specific real-world examples to support your arguments. For instance, highlighting actual studies or statistics on the effects of unemployment or overwork would substantiate your points better.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is fairly clear, but pay attention to grammatical errors and sentence structure to enhance readability. For example, 'overidudgeut' should be 'overindulgent' and 'pm' should be 'on.' Use simpler words and phrases to make your argument clearer and more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the argument effectively. You also maintain a fairly consistent logical structure throughout the essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your points.
task achievement
You've managed to discuss both sides of the argument, acknowledging potential drawbacks and benefits of both a life without work and working obsessively. This adds depth to your analysis and shows critical thinking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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