Some people think that Olympic games are exciting events that bring other nations together. Other say Olympics is a waste of money and the moneycould be better spent on other things. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some individuals believe that
Olympic
games are international events bringing other Correct article usage
the Olympic
countries
to enjoy the festival, while
others consider that money
should be invested on
other things Change preposition
in
instead
of held
Wrong verb form
holding
Olympics
. Correct article usage
the Olympics
This
writer agrues
that Correct your spelling
argues
agrees
Olympic
games help maintain peace in the world and enhance Correct article usage
the Olympic
relationships
of other Correct article usage
the relationships
countries
rather than removing festival
to spend Fix the agreement mistake
festivals
money
on other things.
It must be recognized that Olympics
is an occasion that Correct article usage
the Olympics
gather
all players in every Change the verb form
gathers
nations
together and gain Change to a singular noun
nation
victorious
for their Replace the word
victory
countries
. It can help higher priorities in each country maintain tranquil
with others because Replace the word
tranquillity
Correct article usage
the Olympic
Olympic
is Fix the agreement mistake
Olympics
also
a special occasion that make
peace between Change the verb form
makes
countries
that have little conlicts
and Correct your spelling
conflict
prevent
Correct subject-verb agreement
prevents
outbreaking
of war. Correct article usage
the outbreaking
Moreover
, war affects a lot of people's life and financial
. Replace the word
finances
Therefore
, Correct article usage
the Olympic
Fix the agreement mistake
Olympics
Olympic
should be held to avoid Fix the agreement mistake
Olympics
Correct article usage
the bad
bad
results Correct article usage
the bad
Change preposition
for
of
these nations.
Change preposition
for
However
, other individuals believe that Olympic
should be removed and Fix the agreement mistake
Olympics
money
should be invested on
facilities for homeless people. Change preposition
in
This
belief is based on nowadays life that cost
of living is too high that poor people become poorer because they cannot afford standard demand in society. Correct article usage
the cost
For
this
reason, others say that money
should be spent on difficult situations to enhance country's
potential. Correct article usage
the country's
Moreove
, It can Correct your spelling
Moreover
also
solve some social tensions and problems such
as crimes, drug
dealers,.. by Correct word choice
and drug
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
cost
of living s that Add an article
the cost
peopel
can live Correct your spelling
people
easier
.
Replace the word
easily
This
writer believes that avoid
wars in the world is Wrong verb form
avoiding
neccessary
. Correct your spelling
necessary
This
is due to
the fact that war just bring
trauma and Change the verb form
brings
miserable
for soldiers and Replace the word
misery
wasre
in finance because of weapons investment. Correct your spelling
was
waste
Therefore
, Olympic
should be Fix the agreement mistake
Olympics
reamined
and invested to become Correct your spelling
remained
better
place for other nations to show Add an article
a better
theirs
Correct the word
their
compettive
Correct your spelling
competitive
spirits
.
Fix the agreement mistake
spirit
To sum up
, maintaining peace and enhancing relationship
are essential points that need to be considered. Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
Therefore
, it should have been shown that governments must prior
Correct your spelling
prioritise
world's
problems as considered ones.Correct article usage
the world's
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion on the topic and covers both views. However, aim to provide more specific examples or data to support your points, making your arguments more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. The transitions between some of the points could be a bit clearer to enhance readability.
grammar
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing in the essay. For example, 'This writer agrues' should be 'This writer argues'. Focus on polishing your grammar and sentence structure.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but can be made stronger. Try to summarize the key points from the body more effectively in the conclusion.
task achievement
You have successfully discussed both views and provided an opinion, which is essential for this type of essay.
coherence cohesion
You have attempted to support your main points, which is good practice.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.