Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is widely debated that individuals should spend their full time
for
learning until they become Change preposition
apply
an adults
. Correct the article-noun agreement
adults
an adult
This
author strongly agree
with Change the verb form
agrees
this
viewpoint because of the knowledge and high wualfications
through the academic period.
Correct your spelling
qualifications
qualification
Firstly
, the large amount of accomplishments which helpful for society in both personal and professional life will be enhance
through Change the verb form
be enhanced
the
education. Correct article usage
apply
In other words
, students can developed
comprehensive by improving their problem-solving skills, teamwork and Change the verb form
develop
communiction
skills. Correct your spelling
communication
For instance
, individuals can learn how to be more creative and flexible through the
outdoor Correct article usage
apply
curiculums
Correct your spelling
curriculums
curriculum
from
school. Change preposition
at
Furthermore
, academic
environment Correct article usage
the academic
provide
some other soft skills Change the verb form
provides
such
as swimming, biking, hiking
,Correct word choice
and hiking
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
Therefore
, education is necessary for teenagers which
can Correct pronoun usage
who
Add a missing verb
be stricted
stricted
and Correct your spelling
strict
controlled
their Wrong verb form
control
behavior
.
Change the spelling
behaviour
Moreover
, spending most of time
Add an article
the time
to
studying can easily achieve goals or get abundance Change preposition
apply
sucessfully
. These professional degrees play a principal role which Correct your spelling
successfully
have
a big impact on your application jobs. Change the verb form
has
Additionally
, it will help individuals have more opportunity
to promote and earn more money. Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
This
means,
people will get Remove the comma
apply
well-qualified
lifestyle. Add an article
a well-qualified
the well-qualified
For instance
, according to
a study of
Oxford Change preposition
by
university
shows that more than 90% that famous big Capitalize word
University
company
in Fix the agreement mistake
companies
over
the Change preposition
apply
word
will consider employer Correct your spelling
world
depend
on their amplitude.
In conclusion, teenagers who stay Wrong verb form
depending
in
full time for learning will have numerous benefits in the future. Change preposition
apply
However
, overstudying may get
stress or other mental problems Verb problem
cause
Correct pronoun usage
that is
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
unencourage
by society.Correct your spelling
unencouraged
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task achievement
Ensure that your essay directly addresses all parts of the prompt. Discuss more perspectives for a balanced view.
task achievement
Proofread for grammatical errors and ensure consistent use of tenses. For example, 'wualfications' should be 'qualifications' and 'developed' should be 'develop'.
coherence cohesion
Sequence your ideas more effectively to enhance logical flow. Use clearer topic sentences to introduce each paragraph's main idea.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied linking words to improving coherence. For example, 'Firstly', 'Moreover', 'Therefore' can be diversified with phrases like 'Additionally', 'As a result', 'Consequently', etc.
coherence cohesion
Make sure the conclusion effectively summarises your main points and restates your position clearly.
task achievement
Strongly relate the benefits of full-time education to personal and professional success.
task achievement
Shows understanding of the topic by linking education to important skills like problem-solving, teamwork, and communication.
coherence cohesion
Good use of examples such as the Oxford University study to support points.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph covers a distinct point, showing some organizational skills.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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