Many people who care for the elderly do not have enough time to look after them. What are the problems related to this? What are some possible solutions?
There is a controversial discussion point
is
that those who look after senior residents Unnecessary verb
apply
are lacking
Wrong verb form
lack
time
to take care themselves
. Change preposition
of themselves
This
writer thinks that this
problem may cause a variety of illness
and mental Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
disorder
which can solved by raising Fix the agreement mistake
disorders
fund
and charity Fix the agreement mistake
funds
works
.
It is crucial to Fix the agreement mistake
work
be acknowledge
that people can easily get sick if their bodies do not take enough rest Change the verb form
acknowledge
time
. In other words
, elderly carers
should spend most of their time
with aged citizens and they usually get home quiet
late. Correct your spelling
quite
As a consequence
, they become increasingly vulnerable since their immune systems have been weaker.
Another issues
worth considering is that after Replace the adjective
issue
a
several days of working tirelessly, Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
carers’
mentality is at its limit. Correct article usage
the carers’
Therefore
, some neural instabilities could occur and disturb their job’s fluency. In addition
, those mental problems need lots of time
to be cured completely. Consequently
, carers
should spend more time
to solve
those issues which they are doing Change the verb form
solving
and
continuously with higher frequency.
Correct word choice
apply
However
, there is a possible solution for these two phenomena by
investing more Change preposition
apply
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
for
Change preposition
in
carers
. To elaborate, government
can alleviate the financial burden for those who take care of Add an article
the government
matured
people which is a missing element for their relaxation. Replace the word
mature
As a result
, carers
can mitigate the status of getting mental and physic
illness.
Replace the word
physical
To sum up
, those whose job is look
after old inhabitants would suffer tons of stress and sickness without appropriate Change the verb form
to look
looking
time
to rest. Nevertheless
, government
should pay more money in order to protect those workers’ health.Add an article
the government
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the question and presents relevant problems and solutions. However, include more specific examples or data to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Improve cohesion by ensuring smoother transitions between ideas. Avoid abrupt shifts and make sure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly define and separate your main points. For example, put each problem and its corresponding solution into separate paragraphs for clarity.
task achievement
Your essay successfully presents the problems related to the issue and suggests potential solutions.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and summarize your points reasonably well.
task achievement
Your ideas are communicated clearly, which makes it easy to follow your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.