Some people ay that all people should stay in full-time education until they are at least 18 years old . To what exten do you agree or disagree?
Education plays an important role in
life
of each person. Some believe people who are under 19 years old, should concentrate on education all of their Add an article
the life
time
. The write’s
opinion partly disagrees with Replace the word
writer’s
this
statement.
It must be recognized that spending much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
time
on
studying can help children have more opportunities to apply Change preposition
apply
for
famous universities. The more Change preposition
to
time
one use
for education, the more knowledge one Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
have
. Change the verb form
has
As a consequence
, when the children have widened knowledge
, they can pass the final tests easily and get high marks. Correct pronoun usage
their knowledge
Moreover
, the public have
immense theories from science Change the verb form
has
subject
or Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
linguist
Replace the word
linguistics
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
will
be looked up to by others. Correct pronoun usage
that will
For example
, a person, who is good at English, can communicate with foreigners more fleecily, so this
person will gain more opportunities to work in a famous company than others.
On the other hand
, studying a lot for a long time
can affect mental and physical health. Stressed and exhausted
cannot Replace the word
exhaustion
prevent
when a citizen Wrong verb form
be prevented
do
not have break Change the verb form
does
time
. On physical health, this
problem also
affects on
Change preposition
apply
their
eye when a child study by computer, and their spine when the child sits for many hours. Change the word
the
Therefore
, parents should hold several extracurricular activities to help their children connect with other member
Change the wording
another member
other members
in
Change preposition
of
family
Add an article
the family
and
make more friends, and improve some social skills, Correct word choice
apply
such
as communicating, problem – solving
. These activities Correct your spelling
problem-solving
also
help people are
friendlier to nature and relax after hard – study.
In summary, the citizens should spend a lot of Wrong verb form
be
time
on
studying to Change preposition
apply
broad
human knowledge. Replace the word
broaden
However
, sometimes the population should participate in some social events to unwind and enhance the
ability Change the word
their
of learning
.Change preposition
to learn
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task achievement
Ensure that your arguments are fully developed with clear explanations and details. For example, in your second paragraph, while you mention that studying helps in gaining more knowledge, you could further elaborate on how this translates into success and the importance of university education.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your essay. Your ideas should progress logically. For instance, transitioning between the effects of studying on mental health and suggesting extracurricular activities could be smoother.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and vocabulary usage. While your essay has some strong points, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrases that can distract the reader.
structure
The essay starts with a clear introduction and presents a position on the topic. It also ends with a summary conclusion, which helps provide a clear structure.
content
Several good points are made, such as the relation between studying and gaining opportunities, and the impact of over-studying on health. These showcase your understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Relevant examples, like the one involving English language skills and job opportunities, make your points more compelling and relatable.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?