Some people ay that all people should stay in full-time education until they are at least 18 years old . To what exten do you agree or disagree?

Education plays an important role in
life
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the life
show examples
of each person. Some believe people who are under 19 years old, should concentrate on education all of their
time
. The
write’s
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writer’s
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opinion partly disagrees with
this
statement. It must be recognized that spending
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
time
on
Change preposition
apply
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studying can help children have more opportunities to apply
for
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to
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famous universities. The more
time
one
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
show examples
for education, the more knowledge one
have
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has
show examples
.
As a consequence
, when the children have widened
knowledge
Correct pronoun usage
their knowledge
show examples
, they can pass the final tests easily and get high marks.
Moreover
, the public
have
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has
show examples
immense theories from science
subject
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subjects
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or
linguist
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linguistics
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subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
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will
Correct pronoun usage
that will
show examples
be looked up to by others.
For example
, a person, who is good at English, can communicate with foreigners more fleecily, so
this
person will gain more opportunities to work in a famous company than others.
On the other hand
, studying a lot for a long
time
can affect mental and physical health. Stressed and
exhausted
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exhaustion
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cannot
prevent
Wrong verb form
be prevented
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when a citizen
do
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does
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not have break
time
. On physical health,
this
problem
also
affects
on
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apply
show examples
their
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the
show examples
eye when a child study by computer, and their spine when the child sits for many hours.
Therefore
, parents should hold several extracurricular activities to help their children connect with
other member
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another member
other members
show examples
in
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of
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family
Add an article
the family
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and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
make more friends, and improve some social skills,
such
as communicating, problem –
solving
Correct your spelling
problem-solving
show examples
. These activities
also
help people
are
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
friendlier to nature and relax after hard – study. In summary, the citizens should spend a lot of
time
on
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apply
show examples
studying to
broad
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broaden
show examples
human knowledge.
However
, sometimes the population should participate in some social events to unwind and enhance
the
Change the word
their
show examples
ability
of learning
Change preposition
to learn
show examples
.
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task achievement
Ensure that your arguments are fully developed with clear explanations and details. For example, in your second paragraph, while you mention that studying helps in gaining more knowledge, you could further elaborate on how this translates into success and the importance of university education.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your essay. Your ideas should progress logically. For instance, transitioning between the effects of studying on mental health and suggesting extracurricular activities could be smoother.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and vocabulary usage. While your essay has some strong points, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrases that can distract the reader.
structure
The essay starts with a clear introduction and presents a position on the topic. It also ends with a summary conclusion, which helps provide a clear structure.
content
Several good points are made, such as the relation between studying and gaining opportunities, and the impact of over-studying on health. These showcase your understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Relevant examples, like the one involving English language skills and job opportunities, make your points more compelling and relatable.

Your opinion

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