IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people ay that all people should stay in full-time education until they are at least 18 years old . To what exten do you agree or disagree?

#people #ay #education #years #exten
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Education plays an important role in
life
Add an article
the life
show examples
 of each person. Some believe people who are under 19 years old, should concentrate on education all of their
time
Use synonyms
. The
write’s
Replace the word
writer’s
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 opinion partly disagrees with
this
Linking Words
 statement. It must be recognized that spending
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
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studying can help children have more opportunities to apply
for
Change preposition
to
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 famous universities. The more
time
Use synonyms
 one
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
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 for education, the more knowledge one
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, when the children have widened
knowledge
Correct pronoun usage
their knowledge
show examples
, they can pass the final tests easily and get high marks.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the public
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 immense theories from science
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
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 or
linguist
Replace the word
linguistics
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subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
will
Correct pronoun usage
that will
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 be looked up to by others.
For example
Linking Words
, a person, who is good at English, can communicate with foreigners more fleecily, so
this
Linking Words
 person will gain more opportunities to work in a famous company than others.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, studying a lot for a long
time
Use synonyms
 can affect mental and physical health. Stressed and
exhausted
Replace the word
exhaustion
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 cannot
prevent
Wrong verb form
be prevented
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 when a citizen
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not have break
time
Use synonyms
. On physical health,
this
Linking Words
 problem
also
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 affects
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
Change the word
the
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 eye when a child study by computer, and their spine when the child sits for many hours.
Therefore
Linking Words
, parents should hold several extracurricular activities to help their children connect with
other member
Change the wording
another member
other members
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in
Change preposition
of
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family
Add an article
the family
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and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
make more friends, and improve some social skills,
such
Linking Words
 as communicating, problem –
solving
Correct your spelling
problem-solving
show examples
. These activities
also
Linking Words
 help people
are
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 friendlier to nature and relax after hard – study. In summary, the citizens should spend a lot of
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
studying to
broad
Replace the word
broaden
show examples
 human knowledge.
However
Linking Words
, sometimes the population should participate in some social events to unwind and enhance
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 ability
of learning
Change preposition
to learn
show examples
.
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task achievement
Ensure that your arguments are fully developed with clear explanations and details. For example, in your second paragraph, while you mention that studying helps in gaining more knowledge, you could further elaborate on how this translates into success and the importance of university education.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your essay. Your ideas should progress logically. For instance, transitioning between the effects of studying on mental health and suggesting extracurricular activities could be smoother.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and vocabulary usage. While your essay has some strong points, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrases that can distract the reader.
structure
The essay starts with a clear introduction and presents a position on the topic. It also ends with a summary conclusion, which helps provide a clear structure.
content
Several good points are made, such as the relation between studying and gaining opportunities, and the impact of over-studying on health. These showcase your understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Relevant examples, like the one involving English language skills and job opportunities, make your points more compelling and relatable.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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