IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Governments should focus their spending on public services rather than on the arts(eg. music and painting). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#governments #focus #services #arts #eg #music
Authority ought to concentrate their investing in community facilities
instead
 of the arts
such
 as music and painting. I think it is better to spend money on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public amenities because of
reduction
Correct article usage
the reduction
show examples
 of pollution and support people in urban areas. First of all, the government can improve transportation for poor families to go to work. They do not have to pay for
cost
Add an article
the cost
show examples
 of private vehicles and other fees.
Moreover
, it
also
 contributes to
bring
Change the verb form
bringing
show examples
 passengers to various locations in a city effectively and fast.
Furthermore
,
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 may utilize them in order to travel around local sites conveniently.
Especially
Rephrase
In particular
show examples
, it reduces the air pollution
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
caused by industrial factories, smoking or waste of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vehicles.
As a consequence
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public services help humans protect
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 habitats and attract more visitors.
This
 is the fact in Singapore, there are many electric trains
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
used for the movement of the citizens. In terms of another point, community facilities may improve resident’s health. They can utilize fitness
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
installing
Wrong verb form
installed
show examples
 in the park or nearby
apartment
Fix the agreement mistake
apartments
show examples
.
Besides
 that, volunteer inhabitants often plant more trees along the pavements
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
that
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 decline carbon dioxide.
Therefore
, many occupants usually go jogging in the park to
breath
Replace the word
breathe
show examples
 a fresh atmosphere and enhance physicality.
As a result
, social amenities assist dwellers in different healthy activities.
This
 is the truth in Vietnam, the citizens often take part in public events to preserve
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
. In conclusion, community facilities may create many benefits for residents and countries.
Thus
, I totally agree with the former statement.

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task achievement
To improve task response, try to elaborate more on the ideas presented. For instance, include more detailed explanations and connections between topics.
coherence cohesion
Enhancing coherence and cohesion can be achieved by using more varied linking words and phrases to connect your ideas smoothly.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points, making your stance clear.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public services
  • healthcare
  • education
  • infrastructure
  • quality of life
  • economic productivity
  • social equity
  • essential resources
  • long-term benefits
  • public health
  • educational attainment
  • public transportation
  • creativity
  • cultural preservation
  • social cohesion
  • indirect economic benefits
  • tourism industry
  • cultural heritage
  • balanced approach
  • well-rounded society
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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