Many people who care for the elderly do not have enough time to look after them. What are the problems related to? What are some possible solutions?
There are a lot of young people taking care of their older generations
lack
Correct pronoun usage
who lack
time
for self-caring. This
author believes that it
Correct your spelling
if
this
circumstance continues in the next few months, it will negatively affect the youth in time
managing
and mental health.
On the one hand, it is vital to acknowledge that most of the elderly care people are losing their Replace the word
management
work
-life balance. In the state-of-the-art, although
there are lots of inventions that help caring
for old residents, young guys still have to spend a large amount of Wrong verb form
care
time
of a day on it. Thereby, the challenge of balancing lifetime and working time
is increasingly difficult. That leads to the
lack of commitments and necessary activities Correct article usage
a
such
as relaxing and exercising.
On the other hand
, in terms of the psycho, spending hours looking after others instead
of ourselves is extremely harmful. At the moment, we will not only focus on self-work
but also
keep track of elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
instead
just
concentrating on self-Change preposition
of just
work
merely, which is enough stressful for an individual. Therefore
, despite our worsen
stress, we will t have Wrong verb form
worsened
time
to chill out and reduce stress damaging our brain seriously.
Nevertheless
, these problems are not for valuable for us to worry about since we have two solutions seemed as
the best treatment to deal with these situations. These are flexible working Wrong verb form
that seem to be
arrangement
and family responsibility sharing. Considering Fix the agreement mistake
arrangements
in
scientific studies and consequence Change preposition
apply
survey
, Fix the agreement mistake
surveys
t
can be seen that managing our Correct your spelling
it
work
to fit in with our life to remain
Verb problem
maintain
the
balance is far Correct article usage
apply
effective
treatment for them as we can Correct quantifier usage
more effective
work
at home to work
and older care at the same time
. However
, it is just suitable with
some special Change preposition
for
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
such
as programmer
and Replace the word
programming
freelancer
. Replace the word
freelancing
Therefore
, sharing our responsibility with other members in
my family is almost the utmost effective way to cope with it.
Change preposition
of
To conclude
, there are some drawbacks leading to uncontrollable time
managing
and mental harm Replace the word
management
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
caused
by young generations spending their Add a missing verb
is caused
time
caring for older ones instead
of themselves. Yet, they can be treated by work
managing
and Replace the word
management
also
responsibility sharing, which are the most effective treatments.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use clear and accurate language. There are several instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors (e.g., 'Thereby, the challenge of balancing lifetime and working time is increasingly difficult.'). Consider revising for clarity and correctness.
task achievement
While the main ideas are present, ensure that they are fully developed and supported by clear, relevant examples. Your arguments could benefit from more detailed evidence and examples (e.g., specific situations where flexible working arrangements have been successfully implemented).
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your essay by making sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use linking words and phrases to better guide the reader through your arguments (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'Moreover').
task achievement
Your essay addresses both parts of the question by discussing problems related to elderly care and proposing possible solutions. This shows that you understand the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion provide a good framework for the essay, summarizing the main points effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.