Some people believe that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers instead of benefitting them individually. Do you agree or disagree

#people #purpose #schools #children #citizens #workers

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There are those who believe that guiding

children

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to become

benefical

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beneficial

people for the community is the main goal of

school

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instead

Linking Words

of catering for

individuals

Fix the agreement mistake

individual

show examples

benefits. I totally agree with

this

Linking Words

point of view ,

due to

Linking Words

the moral

proplems

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problems

School

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being

Wrong verb form

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Correct article usage

the mainstray

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mainstray

Correct your spelling

mainstay

education

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, which is tasked with turning

children

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into

a well-behaved and well-infprmed citizens

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well-behaved and well-infprmed citizens

a well-behaved and well-infprmed citizen

show examples

Morover

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Moreover

, schools prioritize equipping

students

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with

wide

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a wide

show examples

range of knowledge, skills, and

attitude

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attitudes

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to achieve their future

goal

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goals

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. Since

children

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spend their formative years at

school

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this

Linking Words

will be the golden hours for

children

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built

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build

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their personality, so schools likely play an essential role in controlling and shaping the thoughts and

characteristic

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characteristics

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of youngsters.

Therefore

Linking Words

Use synonyms

school

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schools

show examples

need to instill

displince

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discipline

, morality and

intergrity

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integrity

in the future

generation

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generations

show examples

Futhermore

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Furthermore

, schools

ensures

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ensure

show examples

the proper

traning

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training

to enable

children

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to succeed in the job market. In the end,

the

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apply

show examples

education

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help

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helps

show examples

people make a living

latter

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later

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in life,

while

Linking Words

also

Linking Words

provides

workforce

Add an article

a workforce

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for economic growth. How well

students

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can contribute to society is a clear

evident

Replace the word

evidence

show examples

Use synonyms

school's

Correct article usage

a school's

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success.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, leading

children

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to access

with

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apply

show examples

individualistic from

the

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show examples

young age,

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this

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

would distort the core value of

education

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. Heavy emphasis on individual demands can lead

students

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to only pay attention to self-interest, whereby they become selfish. the improvement of

individualistic

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individualism

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school

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will turn the meaning of

education

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into

commercial

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a commercial

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commidiy

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commodity

, where

students

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can buy whatever benefit for their personal use. In these cases,

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school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

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would fail to realise their critical educational mission. In conclusion, the priority of

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school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

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should be educating

children

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become

Fix the infinitive

to become

show examples

useful workers for the community,

instead

Linking Words

of serving individuals' needs since it helps raise the awareness of controlling

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

Submitted by [email protected] on Tue Jun 04 2024

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task achievement

The essay should further elaborate on the reasons supporting the main argument and provide more specific examples to illustrate the points made.

coherence cohesion

While the essay is generally well-structured, there are areas where the logical flow can be improved. Consider using linking words and phrases to connect ideas more seamlessly.

coherence cohesion

Introduce additional paragraphs or expand existing ones to cover different aspects of the topic more comprehensively.

general

Review and correct spelling and grammatical errors for better clarity and readability. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and use of singular/plural forms.

task achievement

The essay presents a clear stance on the given topic and attempts to provide reasons and examples to support this viewpoint.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively summarize the main points of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
36
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

284 words

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Some people believe that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers instead of benefitting them individually. Do you agree or disagree

Fully explain your ideas

In some countries of the world, cars are replacing bicycles. However, in some countries, bicycles are replacing cars. What are the reasons for these two developments? In your opinion, which one is better?

The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweigh is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweigh people? How can this problem be solved?

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new fast trains between cities. others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?