Some people believe that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers instead of benefitting them individually. Do you agree or disagree
There are those who believe that guiding
children
to become benefical
people for the community is the main goal of Correct your spelling
beneficial
school
instead
of catering for individuals
benefits. I totally agree with Fix the agreement mistake
individual
this
point of view , due to
the moral proplems
.
Correct your spelling
problems
School
being
Wrong verb form
is
Correct article usage
the mainstray
mainstray
of Correct your spelling
mainstay
education
, which is tasked with turning children
into a well-behaved and well-infprmed citizens
. Correct the article-noun agreement
well-behaved and well-infprmed citizens
a well-behaved and well-infprmed citizen
Morover
, schools prioritize equipping Correct your spelling
Moreover
students
with wide
range of knowledge, skills, and Add an article
a wide
attitude
to achieve their future Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
goal
. Since Fix the agreement mistake
goals
children
spend their formative years at school
, this
will be the golden hours for children
to built
their personality, so schools likely play an essential role in controlling and shaping the thoughts and Change the form of the verb
build
characteristic
of youngsters. Fix the agreement mistake
characteristics
Therefore
, school
need to instill Fix the agreement mistake
schools
displince
, morality and Correct your spelling
discipline
intergrity
in the future Correct your spelling
integrity
generation
. Fix the agreement mistake
generations
Futhermore
, schools Correct your spelling
Furthermore
ensures
the proper Change the verb form
ensure
traning
to enable Correct your spelling
training
children
to succeed in the job market. In the end, the
Correct article usage
apply
education
help
people make a living Change the verb form
helps
latter
in life, Correct your spelling
later
while
it also
provides workforce
for economic growth. How well Add an article
a workforce
students
can contribute to society is a clear evident
of Replace the word
evidence
school's
success.
Correct article usage
a school's
On the other hand
, leading children
to access with
individualistic from Change preposition
apply
the
young age, Correct article usage
a
this
would distort the core value of Correct pronoun usage
apply
education
. Heavy emphasis on individual demands can lead students
to only pay attention to self-interest, whereby they become selfish. the improvement of individualistic
at Replace the word
individualism
school
will turn the meaning of education
into commercial
Correct article usage
a commercial
commidiy
, where Correct your spelling
commodity
students
can buy whatever benefit for their personal use. In these cases, school
would fail to realise their critical educational mission.
In conclusion, the priority of Fix the agreement mistake
schools
school
should be educating Fix the agreement mistake
schools
children
become
useful workers for the community, Fix the infinitive
to become
instead
of serving individuals' needs since it helps raise the awareness of controlling behaviors
.Change the spelling
behaviours
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task achievement
The essay should further elaborate on the reasons supporting the main argument and provide more specific examples to illustrate the points made.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally well-structured, there are areas where the logical flow can be improved. Consider using linking words and phrases to connect ideas more seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Introduce additional paragraphs or expand existing ones to cover different aspects of the topic more comprehensively.
general
Review and correct spelling and grammatical errors for better clarity and readability. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and use of singular/plural forms.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the given topic and attempts to provide reasons and examples to support this viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively summarize the main points of the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.