many people who care for elderly do not have enough time to look after them . what are the problems relative to this? what are some possible solutions ?
Spending
time
taking care
of the elderly can reduce their basic time
for themselves. This
problem is attributable to stress and pressure
from employers but can addressed by retirement homes and flexible working hours policy.
The underlying roof of Correct article usage
apply
the
problem is the Correct article usage
apply
pressure
when they balance Change the word
their
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
time
for themselves and older people
. Because there are variety
Correct article usage
a variety
things
to learn or concentrate on when they take Change preposition
of things
care
of older people
such
as dosage schedules. Ironically, these people
cannot spend too much time
on it because of taking care
of themselves and they are already under pressure
from it. As a result
, they will neglect their health or the elderly to spend time
on the other one. For example
, there are around 76% of young people
are under pressure
to look after old people
.
Another factor may be the pressure
from employers. Specifically, the more time
on taking care
of older people
, the less time
on career projects. However
, the fact that the leader cannot enable their staff to take more time
on personal reasons such
as looking out for the elderly rather than working tasking. It can translate to the pressure
in the working environment by the higher role. Taking the Tencent game as an example, they do not allow their employees to get more than 3 times of the day off because of the working process.
Perhaps a solution to the problem of stress is the retirement home. The elderly can enjoy their life while
the younger can spend their time
on their work
and health. Moreover
, they just need to concentrate on their work
rather than both work
and look out for the elderly, so it can reduce the feeling of stress which they must tolerate. Additionally
, flexibility in working schedules can keep the quality of work
while
they can also
spend time
on
older Change preposition
with
people
to avoid pressure
from leaders.
To conclude
, avoiding misunderstanding and the uselessness of translators are superior to the time
-consuming of creators. Hence
, people
ought to popularize new languages globally to increase the frequency of using them.Submitted by [email protected] on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, you could strengthen the coherence and cohesion by ensuring that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. Transitional phrases and sentences can help achieve this.
task achievement
While your response addresses the problems and provides some solutions, try to elaborate more on how the solutions can be practically implemented. Providing more detailed explanations or examples would enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that you provide a clear and concise conclusion that summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance on the issue. This can help reinforce your argument and leave a lasting impression on the reader.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively introduces the topic and provides a clear thesis statement on the problems and solutions related to caring for the elderly.
task achievement
You have provided relevant and specific examples that support your main ideas, such as mentioning the retirement home and flexible working hours policies.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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