IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The tendency that news reports in media focus on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful for individuals and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#tendency #news #reports #media #focus #emergencies #developments #individuals #society
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It is believed that the main trend of
media
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 channels, focuses on serious problems and information
society
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 rather than positive
news
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,
this
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 mainstream is harmful to
society
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. The writer of
this
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 essay will consider the pros and cons to give their own option that follows the positive view.
Firstly
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,
It is clear that
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 the higher frequency of
media
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 focuses on the negative side so much that
a
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apply
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individuals who always follow it, can have
adverse
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an adverse
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 impact on their mental state.
Media
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 is an entertainment facility that greatly affects
people
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's lives today as everyone has the habit of following social trends or updating
news
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 every day.
For example
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,
news
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 about terrorism and war has become so popular in the
media
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 that some
people
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 may hesitate to go abroad for fear of a terrorist attack.
Secondly
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, it can
also
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 make
people
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 misunderstand about many aspects of
society
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.
For example
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, many tabloid newspapers,
such
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 as 14 Vietnamese channels, always focus on exploiting scandals of famous
people
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, which can mislead the public about the mistakes of Vietnamese showbiz.
However
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, in fact, it is an industry
which
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in which
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 many
people
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 are making great contributions to
society
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.
On the other hand
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, focusing on negative issues rather than positive development is advantageous in some way.
Firstly
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, the
media
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 is an effective way to spread information, to even the most remote places, and
this
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 can help bring
people
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 together to solve serious problems.
Secondly
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, it can help raise
people
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's awareness. The more negative stories that appear in the
media
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, the higher the chance that
people
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 will be aware of those problems and act towards a solution.
For example
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,
news
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 about cancer has now become a popular topic in the
media
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, and
as a result
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, a large number of
people
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 have turned to a healthier lifestyle.
To conclude
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, there are good reasons for the
media
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 to cover all issues,
although
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 the associated negative effects should be considered.
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Task Achievement
Clarify your stance in the introduction. Rather than stating you will consider pros and cons, clearly state whether you agree or disagree with the statement.
Task Achievement
Aim to develop each point in greater depth. This includes providing more detailed analysis and examples to back each claim.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions to create a smoother flow. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument more seamlessly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on sentence variety to avoid repetitive structures and enhance the readability of the essay.
Task Achievement
Good attempt at discussing both sides of the argument which demonstrates understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Use of examples such as news about terrorism and cancer adds relevance and credibility to your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • news reports
  • media focus
  • negative news
  • positive developments
  • stress and anxiety
  • skewed perception of reality
  • world view
  • desensitization
  • pessimistic outlook
  • general public
  • mental well-being
  • proactive problem-solving
  • holistic view
  • informed decision-making
What to do next:
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