IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicine and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#people #health #alternative #medicine #treatments #doctor #development
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In recent years,
people
 at an increasing rate are finding other medicines and treatments to treat their
health
 issues rather than going to their regular
doctors
. I think
this
 can cause both positive and negative development. In a positive sense, it can be said that searching for alternatives to medications is proof of
people
's awareness of their
health
. Some individuals try to follow home remedies to solve their
health
 issues. Once there was a time when
people
 used to make remedies in their own house to cure their sickness and those worked for them magically. By doing
this
 practice,
people
 still try to be less dependent on medicines.
On the other hand
, avoiding regular
doctors
 can cause harm to those who are suffering from severe illness. As
people
 get easily influenced by others nowadays, they get confused
to be
Wrong verb form
about what is
show examples
 right or wrong. They do not understand that changing
doctors
 or treatments might bring instability to the
patients'
Correct your spelling
patient's
show examples
health
. Whenever we visit a hospital, we get to see some patients who used to visit usual
doctors
 at first. After a
while
, they changed their regular ways which resulted in more difficulties and
thus
, they repented on their wrong decisions. As
people
 get easily influenced by others nowadays, they get confused
to be
Wrong verb form
about what is
show examples
 right or wrong. To summarize, it is important to know the severity of one's sickness upon which one might change their ways to be cured. If
people
 fail to identify the differences in their
health
,
then
 they should trust their usual doctor.
Otherwise
, changing treatments might bring more suffering in the end.
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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, try breaking down your arguments into more detailed steps and include additional relevant examples to support your views.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Using more transitional phrases will help maintain a stronger logical flow in your essay.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetition of ideas and phrases, such as mentioning that people get easily influenced by others. Vary your language to maintain the reader's interest.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both the potential positive and negative aspects of turning to alternative treatments.
task achievement
Good use of historical references to home remedies adds depth and context to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction frames the topic well, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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