IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The influence of human beings on the world’s ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss of biodiversity. Causes? Solutions?

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Human’s
Change noun form
Human
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 activities have brought about
immense
Correct article usage
an immense
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 impact on the environment regarding biodiversity loss. The writer believes that
this
Linking Words
 situation stems from the destruction of habitats caused by deforestation and illegal poaching, which can be addressed by the promotion of national parks. One of the core reasons that lead to the disappearance of numerous animals is the destruction of their natural habitats. Simply put, a large amount
forests
Change preposition
of forests
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 been
sarcrified
Correct your spelling
sacrificed
 to the expansion of farmland and unauthorized logging, which
also
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 means the living spaces of various
species
Use synonyms
 are reduced all because of the selfishness of
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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.
Consequently
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, their only way to survive is to move to
another environments
Replace the adjective
another environment
other environments
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, potentially resulting in fights between the local and new
species
Use synonyms
 which
deteriorate
Correct subject-verb agreement
deteriorates
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 the problem even more.
For instance
Linking Words
, the illegal exploitation
at
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of
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 the Amazon
rain forest
Correct your spelling
rainforest
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 is known to not only
damages
Wrong verb form
damage
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 the jungle itself
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
Linking Words
influences
Correct subject-verb agreement
influence
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 the immigration of invasive
species
Use synonyms
 into nearby areas. Perhaps the establishment of more nature conservation parks can help to mitigate
this
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 issue. To explain
further
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,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 it is impossible to stop deforestation entirely, the governments can still maintain the
biodiverity
Correct your spelling
biodiversity
 of their country’s nature by only focusing on protecting important zones which contain the animals and living conditions
that
Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
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 typical for their nations, in order to do that, tight restrictions have to be applied in the conserved lands to eliminate not only the pervasiveness of forest poachers but
also
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 the devastation of jungles for agricultural purposes.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the more developed Wildlife Sanctuary becomes, the more benefits brought to these endangered
species
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the upsurge of loss in the variety of
species
Use synonyms
 is the consequence of their habitats being devastated.
However
Linking Words
, by the exploit of ecological reserve spaces,
this
Linking Words
 problem can be tackled.

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task achievement
While the essay addresses the main causes (deforestation and illegal poaching) and provides a potential solution (the establishment of more nature conservation parks), further elaboration on these points could strengthen the argument. Including more specific examples and statistical data can enhance the task achievement.
task achievement
Ensure clarity in your points by avoiding overly complex sentences. Breaking long sentences into shorter, more digestible parts can improve clarity and comprehension. Additionally, a clear topic sentence for each paragraph can help guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on grammatical accuracy, particularly subject-verb agreement and article usage. For instance, "amount forests" should be "amount of forests" and "contain the animals" should be "contain animals". These small changes can significantly impact the readability and professionalism of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Clarify and separate your ideas more explicitly. For example, start a new paragraph when discussing different mains ideas, such as moving from the explanation of causes to discussing solutions. This improves the flow and structure of the essay.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good structure and frame for the argument.
content
The main points are relevant to the topic and are generally well-supported by explanation and reasoning.
content
The idea of promoting national parks as a solution is well-thought-out and is a practical approach to tackling the problem of biodiversity loss.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Ecosystem
  • Extinction
  • Biodiversity
  • Habitat Destruction
  • Urbanization
  • Deforestation
  • Agricultural Expansion
  • Pollution
  • Contaminants
  • Climate Change
  • Overexploitation
  • Invasive Species
  • Nature Reserves
  • Marine Protected Areas
  • Sustainable Practices
  • Industrial Discharge
  • Carbon Emissions
  • Renewable Energy
  • Energy Efficiency
  • Reforestation
  • Public Awareness
  • Legislation
  • Habitat Restoration
  • Wetland Restoration
  • Coral Reef Rehabilitation
What to do next:
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