IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

More and more people in the city live in homes with small spaces or no outdoor areas. Do you think it is a negative or positive development?

#people #city #homes #spaces #areas #development
Urbanisation has become a norm around the world. More and more people are moving to big
cities
 for economic opportunities.
This
 has put a lot of pressure on the housing market of large
cities
.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of the people wish to live near the centre of town
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 or central business districts.
This
 has made the land of those
cities
 very expensive and apartments are the only housing option that makes economic sense. Apartments have become a necessity of large
cities
due to
 expensive land. They are an efficient means of using the land and ensuring that housing prices stay relatively low.
However
, the quality of life is greatly affected
due to
this
. A major problem with apartment buildings is the immense use of concrete, which essentially heats up the
city
Change noun form
city's
show examples
 surroundings. The lack of green spaces
also
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 the temperature in the
city
. Another problem with having small living spaces
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is the lack of outdoor activities for children.
This
 is a major reason why people with families tend to avoid living in
city
 centres. The
over commercialisation
Add a hyphen
over-commercialisation
show examples
 and crowded buildings do not provide a healthy environment for playing outside. During the day
city
 centres tend to be crowded with office workers and tourists.
Submitted by humayun.waheed3110 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Try to include a clear conclusion to summarize your main points and provide a final perspective on the topic.
logical structure
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a single main idea. For instance, you could have separate paragraphs for the benefits and drawbacks of living in small spaces.
relevant specific examples
Ensure all your main points are supported with detailed and relevant examples. For example, you could provide specific examples of cities where small living spaces have or have not worked well.
supported main points
The essay provides a clear and relevant analysis of the issue, discussing both the economic necessity of apartments and the impact on quality of life.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have highlighted important issues such as the lack of green spaces and the effect on children's outdoor activities, which are relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: