IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that men and ươmen have different qualities, therefore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, we have witnessed a significant movement advocating for equality between
men
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 and
women
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.
This
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 includes breaking traditional
gender
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 roles, where more
women
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 are starting to take on positions that were historically dominated by
men
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.
For example
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,
women
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 are increasingly entering fields
such
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 as politics and the tech industry, and
this
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 shift is challenging long-standing societal norms. I strongly believe that everyone, regardless of their
gender
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, should be considered equal and capable of pursuing any career or role they desire. First of all, the media has played a crucial role in highlighting the growing influence of
women
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 in political positions. Figures like Kamala Harris, who became the first female vice president of the United States, have shattered
gender
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 barriers and proven that
women
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 are just as capable of leading as
men
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. Today, no one seems to care about her
gender
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; what matters is her performance and the work she does.
Women
Use synonyms
 are increasingly seen as strong and impactful leaders who can handle the responsibilities that were once exclusively reserved for
men
Use synonyms
.
However
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, there are still some who argue that certain jobs,
such
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 as those requiring physical strength—like military roles or engineering positions—are better suited for
men
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.
While
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 it is true that some jobs may demand physical endurance, it is important to note that
women
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 have been breaking through these barriers as well. Many
women
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 are excelling in demanding fields, proving that
gender
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 should not be a limitation for anyone.
To sum up
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, in my opinion, we are living in an era of change and progress, where both
men
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 and
women
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 are being treated equally in all aspects of life. The Age of Aquarius, as some call it, signifies a time when societal norms are being reshaped, allowing everyone the opportunity to succeed based on their abilities rather than their
gender
Use synonyms
.

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Task Response
Consider providing a stronger rebuttal to the opposing view, perhaps by illustrating with examples or statistics that demonstrate women's capabilities in traditionally male-dominated roles.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence, use linking words more effectively to connect your main ideas and ensure a smoother flow between paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your position and sets the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your main points as well.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant examples such as Kamala Harris to support your argument, which adds credibility to your position on gender equality.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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