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Band 3

Children are now watching more television than they have ever done before. What are some of the negative effects of children watching a lot of television? Do you think young children should be allowed to watch television?

#children #television #effects
There is
on
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no
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 doubt that these days
freedom
 of
opinions
Fix the agreement mistake
opinion
show examples
 is
provet
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proven
provided
 in
community
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the community
a community
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 which is
a
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apply
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free.
The
Correct article usage
Freedom
show examples
freedom
 of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
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play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
 an
imoportant
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important
 role in
development
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the development
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 of society, but it
need
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needs
show examples
 some
rouls
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rules
 that
orgnize
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organise
this
freedom
.
All of
Correct pronoun usage
Of
show examples
first,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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freedom
 of speech is
critical
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a critical
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 factor in all communities,
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 in a free society it is more
curcial
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crucial
. Different opinions about some issues are normal, each individual in
community
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the community
show examples
 has
view
Add an article
a view
the view
show examples
.
For example
, there are a lot of
opinios
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opinions
 about
drive
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the drive
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 of cars by
womens
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women
show examples
 in Saudi Arabia, some people refound it,
while
 others support
that
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apply
show examples
women
drive
Wrong verb form
driving
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 cars.
Also
, each individual has different knowledge and experience
hance
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hence
show examples
this
 would lead to
variouse
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various
 points of view about the same problem.
Moreover
, the ability to tolerate different opinions
this
 evidence the
community
 is
muture
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mature
.
In addition
, the
freedom
 of
opioion
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opinion
 contributes to
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
show examples
 the
community
 and
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
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quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 of life for people inside
community
Correct article usage
the community
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,
development
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developing
show examples
community
 has
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 level
Change preposition
of
show examples
freedom
 of speech. For
intance
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instance
 In the UK, there are a large number of
imegrants
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immigrants
emigrants
migrants
 because it has
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 level of
freedom
, many people around the world
prefere
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prefer
 to
transvere
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transverse
transfer
 to the UK
for
this
 reason.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
,
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 has
freedom
 of speaking is
more strong
Correct word choice
stronger
show examples
aganist
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against
 challenges duo to each person has the
freedom
 to
giveing
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give his
 opinion
which
Correct pronoun usage
he
she
show examples
believe
Change the verb form
believes
show examples
 is correct. In
Correct your spelling
conclusion
conclision
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
freedom
 of speech is
critical
Add an article
a critical
show examples
 aspect
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a free
community
because
Change preposition
for
show examples
 several reasons
Submitted by a2100b2100 on

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task achievement
Your essay uses some relevant examples to address the topic, but they are sometimes unclear. Try to provide more specific and precise examples.
coherence cohesion
There are frequent grammatical errors and awkward phrasing which make the essay difficult to read. Improving your grammar and sentence structure will enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion need to be stronger and better defined. Make sure to clearly state your intent in the introduction and summarize your main points in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure in the body paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that they flow logically from one to the next.
task achievement
You have shown an understanding of the importance of freedom of speech in society, which is a good starting point.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples relating to Saudi Arabia and the UK, which demonstrate your ability to connect the topic with real-world issues.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • cognitive development
  • social interactions
  • violent content
  • age-appropriate
  • healthy habits
  • attention span
  • media consumption
  • parental supervision
What to do next:
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