Some people feel that it is necessary to test new medicines on animals, while other people feel that this is not fair on animals and not necessary. Discuss both views ad give your opinion.

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Medicines
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testing on
animals
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is necessary or not has become a popular controversial topic in recent
years
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. Some
people
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think it is necessary to give it a try on
animals
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before using it on
humans
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,
whereas
Linking Words
people
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don't take it for
grant
Wrong verb form
granted
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and believe
animals
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should have the same
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
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as
humans
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.In my opinion, I agree
to
Change preposition
with
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testing the
medicines
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on other alive
animals
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before testing on the human body. Modern medicine has only shown up in the
last
Linking Words
100
years
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,which needs plenty of
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
show examples
to support the
medicines
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work efficiently and accurately.In the past
years
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,doctors have done medical research on dead bodies or normal
humans
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.
However
Linking Words
,it is cold and crucial for testing medical reactions in males and females.In order to prevent us not
bing
Correct your spelling
being
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suffer from unknown medical reactions, we restrict
do
Wrong verb form
doing
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test
Fix the agreement mistake
tests
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on
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
anymore. In comparison, the human body,
animal
Correct word choice
and animal
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life cycle changes faster than
humans
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. Raising mice from newborn babies to immature bodies only takes a few months;
however
Linking Words
,a newborn human
bay
Correct your spelling
baby
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become
Wrong verb form
becomes
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an adult takes 18
years
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.It is inefficient to do research on
people
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because
immature
Correct article usage
an immature
show examples
body is the best resource for testing medicine.If we take
Use synonyms
medicines
Fix the agreement mistake
medicine
show examples
tests on
humans
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are not occupy for economically sufficient, taking tasks on
animals
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will be much more sufficient.
To sum up
Linking Words
,in today's technology I will agree to do the test on
animals
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before testing on me or other
people
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.
Medicines
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testing is a selfish activity indeed which just makes sure
people
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can live longer than other species but we need it.
Submitted by diana1992lin on

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task achievement
The essay critically addresses both views on the necessity of animal testing, which is good for covering the topic. However, the central thesis is not very clear and should be more explicitly stated. Clarifying your stance will contribute to a better task response overall.
task achievement
There are issues with sentence structure and grammar that hinder clarity. For example, sentences like 'Medicines testing on animals is necessary or not has become a popular controversial topic' can be revised for better readability. Work on simplifying complex ideas into clearer sentences.
task achievement
The essay lacks specific examples to strengthen the argument. Providing concrete examples, such as specific medical breakthroughs achieved through animal testing, would add depth and relevance to your points.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of the essay can be improved. Use coherent linking words and phrases to ensure each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. For instance, phrases like 'On the other hand' or 'Moreover' can help in joining related ideas.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has an introduction and a conclusion, the introduction can be more engaging and the conclusion more conclusive. The conclusion could better tie back to the main points discussed, summarizing them clearly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each main point is well-supported. This can be achieved by dedicating each paragraph to a single idea and elaborating with details, evidence, or examples. This will make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
The essay acknowledges both sides of the debate, which shows an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets the context and the conclusion attempts to wrap up the argument, which shows good structural planning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • efficacy
  • unethical
  • alternative methods
  • in vitro testing
  • computer modeling
  • misleading conclusions
  • strict regulations
  • humane
  • moral concerns
  • advancements in technology
  • viable alternatives
  • phase out
  • medical research
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