Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Some manufactured meal and
beverages
Change the noun form
beverage
products
included high sugar
contents
. Fix the agreement mistake
content
Consequently
Add a comma
Consequently,
this
affected to
many health diseases. To prevent Change preposition
apply
this
, high
Add a hyphen
high-sugar
sugar
products
should be regulated to have high
Add an article
a high
price
, Fix the agreement mistake
prices
this
is for
Change preposition
to
supporting
Verb problem
encourage
people
to consume less
Change the quantifier
fewer
sugar
products
. I strongly believe with
these arguments because higher Change preposition
in
products
prices will reduce the Change the noun form
product
consumers
and to
warn the Fix the infinitive
apply
consumers
itself
.
In general, pricey Correct pronoun usage
themselves
products
will reduce the desire of consumers
to buy the products
. This
will also
happen to sugary products
, If the sugary products
become pricey and cost a lot of money than low sugary products
, this
will decrease the consumers
Correct quantifier usage
number of consumers
to buy
Change the verb form
buying
this kind
of things. Pricey things will make Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
consumers
think twice before they buy it. Consumers
will also
consider the cheaper items to buy because they do not want to expenses more for the the
pricey items. Remove the redundancy
apply
While
the consumers
consider the prices, the consumer can also
consider that
health Correct determiner usage
the
effect
that appear from the pricey items that Fix the agreement mistake
effects
included
high Wrong verb form
include
sugar
level
. Fix the agreement mistake
levels
In
my perspective as a consumer, Change preposition
From
i
rather choose the cheaper Change the capitalization
I
products
if knowing that the higher price products
or the high content
sugary Add a hyphen
high-content
products
will bring a lot of disease
for
me in the future.
Change preposition
to
However
, despite the rising prices, signs or labels about high
Add a hyphen
high-sugar
sugar
products
should be clearly included in the
Change to a genitive case
the product's packaging
the packaging of the product
products
packaging. The risk of developing health disease
if consume the products
excessively should also
included in the
Change to a genitive case
the product's packaging
the packaging of the product
products
packaging. for
example the Capitalize word
For
lifestyle related
Add a hyphen
lifestyle-related
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
such
as diabetes, obesity, and high blood pressure that
will happen because Correct pronoun usage
apply
the
increase Change preposition
of the
of
Change preposition
in
bloos
Correct your spelling
blood
sugar
levels. These kind
of Change the determiner
This kind
These kinds
disease
can not be underestimated because this
slowly killed
Wrong verb form
kills
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
.
This
purpose are
to Change the verb form
is
informing
and warn the Wrong verb form
inform
consumers
about the danger
and Fix the agreement mistake
dangers
the
Correct article usage
apply
risk
. Specifically to encourage Fix the agreement mistake
risks
people
to choose products
wisely.
In conclusion, the meal and beverages products
from
manufactured that Change preposition
apply
included
Wrong verb form
include
high level
sugars trigger some diseases. Add a hyphen
high-level
For
this
reason, this
Correct your spelling
kind
kined
of Correct your spelling
kind
products
should become expensive in order to reduce the Fix the agreement mistake
product
consumers
from buying it and encourage people
to consume less sugar
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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task response
Try to develop your paragraphs more fully. For example, include more specific examples and elaborate on your points to ensure they are clearly understood.
coherence and cohesion
Work on your introduction and conclusion to make sure they clearly frame your argument. Your introduction should clearly state your position, and your conclusion should effectively summarize the main points you have made.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your essay by using more cohesive devices such as connectors and transition phrases. This will help your ideas flow more smoothly from one to another.
task response
Be careful of language accuracy, for example, 'included' should be 'include' in the introduction and 'bloos' should be 'blood'.
task response
You have made a strong effort to present a clear position on the topic, and you have provided reasons for your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps give it a clear structure overall.