IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
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Some claim that families should educate their offspring on being good members of
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
,
while
 others say that
school
 is the most suitable place to do that.
Although
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
 has professional ways to teach
children
 about being good in
society
, I believe that teaching them by
parents
 is more appropriate because
parents
 have more influence on
children
. On the one hand,
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should
tech
Correct your spelling
teach
show examples
children
 how to interact in
good
Change the article
a good
show examples
 way in
society
 because it has academic methods to better educate
children
 on that. Any
school
 curriculum is examined by experts before being used, so it contains no mistakes or unsuitable context.
For example
, to design a
school
Change noun form
school's
show examples
 national curriculum, governments hire the most experienced and knowledgeable teachers nationwide.
However
, I believe that
children
 follow
parent’s
Correct pronoun usage
their parent’s
show examples
 instructions better than
school’s
Correct article usage
the school’s
show examples
 instructions.
On the other hand
,
parents
 are more
influent
Replace the word
influential
show examples
 in teaching
children
 about being good in
society
.
That is
 because
parents
 are close to
children
, so
children
 are more likely to believe in them.
As a result
,
children
are effectively learn
Change the verb form
are effectively learning
show examples
 how is it important to behave well in
society
.
For instance
, the vast majority of
children
 gain their good habits from their
parents
 as
they
Add a verb
they are
they were
show examples
 eager to transmit
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good attitude to their
children
.
Therefore
, I believe that families are the most suitable
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 for
children
 when it comes to
be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
 good in
society
. In conclusion, despite the fact that
school
 has professional methods to educate
children
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 being good in
society
, I believe that
parents
 are more successful
doing
Change preposition
in doing
show examples
 that because they have
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 influence on
children
.
Submitted by sajeendranrajakumar on

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specific examples
Try to refine your examples to make them more specific and illustrative of your points. For instance, instead of saying that experts are used to design curricula, you could provide a specific example or case study from a certain country.
language
Work on diversifying your vocabulary and sentence structures to make your essay more engaging and to avoid repetition. This will also help in better conveying your ideas and arguments.
clarity of ideas
While your introduction and conclusion are clear, you might consider making your stance a bit more explicit in the thesis statement. This will leave no room for ambiguity and strengthen the overall argument.
task response
You have a clear and consistent argument throughout the essay, and your ideas support your viewpoint effectively.
coherence
Your essay structure is logical, with distinct paragraphs addressing different points of view followed by a conclusion.
introduction conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are well-formulated, providing a good starting point and a clear summary of your stance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
What to do next:
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