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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given line graph is a figure revealing data about the amount of abroad
students
Use synonyms
 and native
students
Use synonyms
 in universities in Australia over 10
years
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the line shows that in the beginning, the amount of commencing overseas
students
Use synonyms
 and local
students
Use synonyms
 was the lowest and over the
years
Use synonyms
 increased.
While
Linking Words
 the amount of total local
students
Use synonyms
 was more than the total overseas
students
Use synonyms
, in the beginning. as the graph shows, the commencing of local
students
Use synonyms
 was under 20000 in 2001 and it had a slight increase to just over 20000, in 2002.
while
Linking Words
 the same trend in abroad
students
Use synonyms
 gradually increased until 2008, in 40000.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the trend of total overseas
students
Use synonyms
 and local
students
Use synonyms
 experienced a significant rise during 10
years
Use synonyms
 and reached 80000 and 600000, respectively.
However
Linking Words
, the total number of native
students
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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witnessed a higher figure, between 20001 and 2010, and was exactly 6 times more.
Although
Linking Words
 it was stable for 4
years
Use synonyms
, from 2006 until 2010.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enrolments
  • trend
  • peak
  • trough
  • comparative analysis
  • surpassed
  • dominant
  • fluctuations
  • stability
  • growth
  • decline
  • significant
  • notable
  • shift
  • influence
  • predict
  • impact
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