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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, several experts think that children should begin learning an international
language
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 in primary school rather than secondary. I
also
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 concur
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this
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with this
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 statement because learning at an early stage is recommended by experts and opens
wide
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a wide
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 range of career opportunities.
Whereas
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language
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 disorder is the only drawback of the same.
To begin
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 with, at an early period of life, the ability to
adopt
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adapt
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 and learn
at
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is at
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 its peak as at that time the brain is in
developing
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the developing
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 stage. Many
neurologist
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neurologists
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 disseminate that the initial age is the right time to inculcate skills
such
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 as learning a foreign
language
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, as at
this
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 time children are more likely to be impressionable and enthusiastic,
therefore
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, learning an alien
language
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 is not only
wise
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a wise
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 approach but
also
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 fruitful for their holistic development.
In addition
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, approaching a second
language
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 at primary schools helps students to enter high-quality education. Children who are
master
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masters
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 in two languages May attain more educational benefits, like studying overseas. Take India as
an
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a
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 primary illustration, where 30% of students had 75% scholarships to study in America because they got C1+ level in English. When it comes to the advantages of learning a foreign
language
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 in primary school, the most prominent one is suffering from
language
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 disorders.
This
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 is to say that
6
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the 6
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to 12 age period is
also
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 the period of learning the mother tongue, and educatees can easily make mistakes in recognizing two different languages.
For example
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, in 2019, The New York Times showed that 75% of
Indonesians
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Indonesian
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 learners who approached
English
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the English
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language
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 in grade 4
were
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apply
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failed to speak their own
language
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 clearly
as well as
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 fluently. In conclusion, early learning is more effective because the brain processes information quickly.
Thus
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, the concept of learning
and
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an
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 international
language
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 in elementary school has many benefits that outweigh
it's
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its
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drawbacks,

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grammar
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasing throughout the essay. For example, 'learning at an early stage is recommended by experts and opens wide range of career opportunities' could be rephrased as 'learning at an early age is often recommended by experts and can open a wide range of career opportunities.' More careful proofreading is needed.
content
Try to develop your points with greater depth and detail. For instance, you mentioned that 'language disorder is the only drawback,' but this notion deserves more exploration and evidence.
cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Transition phrases such as 'Besides,' 'In addition,' and 'However' can help in smoothing the transitions between ideas.
structure
The structure of the essay is clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps the reader easily follow your arguments.
task response
The essay addresses the task effectively by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages, and it provides examples to support its points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive abilities
  • pronunciation
  • self-conscious
  • cultural awareness
  • global society
  • proficiency levels
  • competitive job market
  • foundational skills
  • qualified teachers
  • recreational activities
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