IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. To what extent would you say that television has positively or negatively affected the cultural development of society?

#television #influence #culture #societies #development #society
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Television
 has been around the world for several decades playing a significant role in shaping the culture of various societies, including mine. In
this
 essay, I will explore the positive and negative impacts of
television
 on the cultural development of
the
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society. On the positive side,
television
 has provided
range
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a range
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 of information and knowledge on various kinds of topics. News broadcasts, documentaries and educational programmes have contributed to
spread
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spreading
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the
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awareness and understanding of various issues.
Furthermore
,
television
 has provided a platform for diverse voices and perspectives, fostering a sense of inclusivity and diversity in
the
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society.
However
, there are
also
 several negative impacts of the
television
 on the cultural development. One of the most concerning issues is the rise of
the
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superficial content that
have
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has
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 become easily available through various channels.
This
 has led to the promotion of
the
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celebrity culture and materialism.
Moreover
, excessive exposure to violence and sex has had a detrimental effect
among
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on
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younger
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the younger
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 generation. In conclusion,
while
television
 has undoubtedly had a significant influence, providing a platform for information, diversity and inclusivity, it has
also
 contributed to the erosion of values and traditions.
Therefore
, it is crucial to regulate the content of
television
 and promote programmes that contribute positively to the cultural development of
the
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society.
Submitted by sejal.h on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task prompt, addressing both positive and negative influences of television on cultural development. However, incorporating more specific examples for each point would strengthen your arguments and provide more depth to your analysis.
coherence cohesion
The ideas in your essay are generally clear and well-organized, with a logical structure that facilitates understanding. However, be attentive to minor grammatical errors and ensure your points are consistently and fully developed. For instance, expanding on the effects of superficial content could enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay effectively and help in understanding the main points being discussed.
task achievement
Your points about the informational role of television and its diversity-enhancing potential are well-articulated and reasoned.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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