IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The amount of sport shown on television every week has increased significantly and this is having an impact on live sports events. Do you think the benefits of having more televised sport are greater than the disadvantages?

#amount #sport #television #week #impact #sports #events
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It is argued that the advantages of having bigger amounts of televised
sports
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 are greater than the disadvantages.
This
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 essay completely agrees with
this
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 statement. I believe that generally, people benefit from televised
sports
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 undoubtedly because of the level of accessibility and absence of safety concerns.
Overall
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, live
sports
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 coverage is far more convenient than offline events. The majority of people may not have the opportunity to attend all the games played by their favourite team. There couldn’t be a better example of it than my boyfriend`s case. He had gone on a critically urgent business trip just a couple of days before his beloved club had an extremely important match. He managed to watch it only because of live streaming on television.
Furthermore
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, security issues are quite a regular problem throughout live
sports
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 events. The most loyal fans tend to let their frustration out by instigating fights and creating safety-threatening situations. Unfortunately, it happened to my uncle’s friend. He was enjoying his time at a football game when a random admirer of the opposite team hit him in the face. A couple of hours later he found out that his nose had been broken in three places. Since
then
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 my uncle and his friend have watched football only on television to exclude an opportunity for a similar accident.
To conclude
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, in my opinion, there definitely are more positive benefits of having a bigger amount of televised
sports
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 rather than negative sides,
such
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 as safety priorities, the convenience of your own space, schedule flexibility and close-ups of players.
Submitted by msvictoriabuts on

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task response
The introduction is clear, but it could provide a bit more context about the topic before presenting the thesis statement. This would improve the reader's understanding and engagement.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to provide a roadmap for the reader regarding what to expect in the paragraph.
task response
While examples are relevant and specific, try to balance the use of personal anecdotes with more general points or statistics to support your arguments.
task response
The essay provides relevant specific examples that effectively support the main points.
coherence cohesion
Clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Logical flow is maintained throughout the essay, making it easy to follow the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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