IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?

#countries #animals #plants
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Around the world, the number of wildlife is eroding. The root cause of
this
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 problem is the widespread illegal poaching and deforestation.
However
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, a range of problems have been identified and could be solved by the unity of governments and residents. The major culprit of the decline in the number of animals is illegal hunting. Livestock that are valuable for commercial functions,
such
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 as deers for decorations, rhinos for medicines and jewellery and crocodiles for fashion accessories are the prime targets of illegal hunters. Being hunted excessively, these livestock have been nearly extinct. For these reasons, the remaining numbers of these animals are at the warning level. The main contributor to the decrease in the quantity of plants is deforestation. As accommodation demands are increasing, demolishing the forest has been taken to expand the residential area.
This
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 led to the predicament of the flora floor and natural disasters.
Consequently
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, the plants are scarce and in desperate shortage at the moment. To solve these problems, both authorities and citizens have to take proactive measures. The government have to oppose stricter laws and punishments to protect the wildlife habitat.
Also
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, it is important to launch emerging appeals to residents, in order to raise social conscience and attract volunteers for recovery campaigns. By doing so, the number of animals and plants will be recovered and maintained. On balance, the fall in the quantity of wildlife is
due to
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 deforestation and illegal poaching.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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 problem can be solved by the cooperation of authorities and citizens.

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task achievement
While the essay does provide a complete response to the prompt, it would benefit from more detailed examples and further clarification of ideas. For instance, elaborating on how raising social conscience and launching recovery campaigns can specifically help the situation would strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider linking sections and paragraphs more clearly with transitional phrases. This will help maintain a logical structure throughout the essay and make it easier to follow the flow of ideas.
introduction conclusion
The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion that frame the main points effectively.
task achievement
The key reasons for the decline in wildlife are well-identified: illegal hunting and deforestation. These points are relevant to the prompt and provide a solid foundation for the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • urbanization
  • deforestation
  • agricultural expansion
  • pollution control
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable practices
  • overexploitation
  • invasive species
  • conservation
  • quarantine measures
  • eradication programs
  • public awareness campaigns
  • habitat destruction
  • climate change
  • natural habitats
  • species decline
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