IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, the number of animals adn plants is decling. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?

#countries #animals #adn #plants
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The assumption of wild animals and plants
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 being decreased.
Due to
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
deforestation without permission, the problem is becoming worse.
However
, the problems can be tackled by generating some heavy rules with significant punishment. One of the
issue
Change to a plural noun
issues
show examples
 associated with
this
 is that green fields run a higher risk of being removed by new construction.
Besides
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overpopulation requires
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extended living
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 in order to cut down the forest which is a habitat for many animals and plants. It reported that China used to have
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of pandas because of the suitable environment for the development of bamboo. The increasing number of citizens can be
seem
Correct your spelling
seen
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 as being out of control;
thus
,
Chinese
Correct article usage
the Chinese
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 to repurpose some farming lands into residential areas. Another alarming reason is that the
wide spread
Correct your spelling
widespread
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 of growing factories happens more regularly. It can be recognized that industrial actions release poisonous substances
along with
 having no clean
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wastes
Fix the agreement mistake
waste
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.
Furthermore
, the wastes can represent
many
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
serious pollution
such
 as air and water.
As a consequence
, the abundance of marine species can be killed, which leads to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
dramatically
Change the word
dramatic
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 decrease in the number of species in the world. One solution to
this
 problem is for
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 to have some creation
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 laws with heavier punishment. Obviously, if there is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 appearance of serious punishments, individuals have to be more aware of their actions. In the past, there
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 not any rules forcing individuals to protect the forest,
conversely
, there are many laws related to
environment
Replace the word
environmental
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 protection.
Consequently
, the effectiveness can be simply considered that the fall on
destruction
Add an article
the destruction
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 of
forest
Add an article
the forest
show examples
. In conclusion,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can generate rules with heavy punishment to face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the issues of deforestation and industrial activities.
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task achievement
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is excellent. However, work on making your main points more explicitly supported by examples and evidence.
coherence cohesion
Some parts of your essay could benefit from better logical flow between sentences and ideas. Try to use more linking words and phrases to improve coherence.
task achievement
You have addressed both parts of the task, identifying causes for the decline in animal and plant numbers and suggesting solutions.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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