Too much emphasis on is given for educaton of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In today's modern age, especially living in the ceaseless developments of the world,
education
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
the
compulsory obligation of Correct article usage
a
young
generations. Correct word choice
younger
Therefore
one supposes that it is worthy
Replace the word
worth
to spend
money on Change the verb form
spending
education
while
there is a controversial opinion about the insufficient handout of leisure activity
for
teenagers. Fix the agreement mistake
activities
This
writer is on neutral ground that the money originating from government
should be allocated for both purposes as a way to balance human life.
Add an article
the government
Initially
, the root reason for investment in education
is the fundamental elements of virtues and knowledge for specific fields. To explain, schools currently do not only concentrate on academic subjects but also
give students
opportunities of
Change preposition
for
internship
to grasp social consciousness and moral standards, preparing for the sanguine future. Fix the agreement mistake
internships
For instance
, it can be seen easily that the number of people having the
sustainable foundation of Correct article usage
a
education
has
related to social evil as the degradation of humanities less than the number of others who do not. Verb problem
is
Moreover
, individuals who have the
sufficient qualifications have more chances to get a Correct article usage
apply
promissing
future career. Correct your spelling
promising
Thus
, spending money on educational fields puts human
ahead, not behind.
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
However
, i
believe that it is unwise to undervalue the crucial role relaxation plays in human life which Change the capitalization
I
tie
Correct subject-verb agreement
ties
students
to its apron strings. It is a generally acknowledged fact that the rate of people suffering from mental issues is increasing day by day, especially students
, as a
alarming caveat for the young. Taking the Japanese Change the article
an
students
as a typical example in there, education
plays a primary role without ragarding
their health, leading to the progressive rate of depression in Correct your spelling
regarding
students
. Given that
investing in spare activity has a profound impact on Change preposition
That
human
spirit, decreasing the stress level for young people Add an article
the human
as well as
differentiating the boundary of
working and studying.
Taking all points into account, it cannot Change preposition
between
deny
that the funds from Wrong verb form
be denied
government
should be invested in Add an article
the government
education
, nevertheless
, spending excessively is not always bringing
Verb problem
apply
the
advantageous factors to human life and free time activity ought to be considered Correct article usage
apply
due to
their benefit of sanity.Submitted by [email protected]
on
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task response
Your essay discusses both educational and recreational investments for young people, but it would benefit from a clearer structure. Ensure each paragraph has a single focus, and provide specific examples to support your arguments effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the coherence by ensuring each sentence flows logically to the next. Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas and improve the readability of the essay. This will enhance the logical structure and make your arguments easier to follow.
language use
Work on enhancing your vocabulary and grammar to reduce minor errors. This will not only make your essay more polished but also make it easier to convey your ideas clearly.
task response
You provide a balanced view on the issue, acknowledging the importance of both education and recreation. This balanced approach strengthens the argument and shows your ability to consider multiple perspectives.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively encapsulate the main points of your argument. This gives your essay a well-rounded feel and shows good essay structure.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.