Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to only be meant for adults. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children.. What are its causes, and what solutions can be offered?

Maintaining optimal
health
is crucial for living a healthy lifestyle and avoiding diseases and disorders for both the
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
and the youth. Nowadays one of the dramatical problems is overweighed-
children
that deserves to focus the light on it.
This
essay will highlight the principal causes of that issue and possible solutions to resolve them. In essence, the principal causes of obesity in
children
are two-fold, the carelessness of the
parents
and the lack of awareness. Some
Parents
don’t observe what their offspring eat and don’t limit the
amount
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number
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of sweets which
is
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are
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full of preservatives and artificial
colors
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colours
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which lead to
health
issues
such
as mental and physical disorders in the
child
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child's
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brain
by
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over
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time.
In addition
,
mother
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mothers
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and
father
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fathers
show examples
buy fast
food
which is saturated with unhealthy oils that ruin
off
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apply
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the
health
of their kids and put them in weight because junk
food
has unimaginable
amount
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amounts
show examples
of calories.
On the other hand
, what causes
children
to be obese is the lack of awareness of both
children
and
parents
, they do the same old and traditional habits they got used to. Despite these challenges, it is possible to resolve
this
health
crisis happening nowadays in the
last
few years.
Parents
must cut off buying junk
food
and limit the
amounts
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amount
show examples
of sweets as much as possible per day.
Moreover
, they ought to observe and alter their
kids
Change to a genitive case
kid's
kids'
show examples
habits of unhealthy
food
with healthy and beneficial types for
examples
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example
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: fruits and
food
full of vitamins, omega 3 and iron to build their
body
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bodies
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in the right way to be able to study, create and focus very well. It is not only about
food
but
also
parents
should participate for the
children
at
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in
show examples
any type of sports which can keep their body fit and their muscles stronger.
On the other
hand
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hand,
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the role of the government is to launch National campaigns, which can be promoted through social media and street outreach,
have
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and have
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the power to educate
parents
,
children
and youth about the importance of prioritizing their
health
over anything else.
To conclude
, the most important thing in life is the
health
of our
offsprings
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offspring
show examples
so protecting them from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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different types of diseases is our responsibility. All of us must share to solve
this
problem and think
how
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about how
show examples
to attract kids to healthy
food
and to start by ourselves first because we are their role models and they do always what we do.
Submitted by Mido  on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples when explaining the causes and solutions for childhood obesity, as this will strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repeating words and phrases unnecessarily. For instance, "parents" and "children" are repeated multiple times closely together, making the text somewhat redundant.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure; some sentences could be simplified for greater clarity. For example, "they ought to observe and alter their kids habits of unhealthy food" could be made clearer: "they should monitor and change their children's unhealthy eating habits."
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. This aids the reader in following your arguments.
task achievement
You identified the main causes and solutions for childhood obesity effectively, addressing both parental responsibility and governmental roles.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Obesity
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Prevalent
  • Genetic predisposition
  • Comfort eating
  • Screen time
  • Physical education
  • Nutritional education
  • Economic disparities
  • Food deserts
  • Subsidize
  • Advertising
  • Weight management
  • Junk food
  • Healthy food options
  • Physical activity
  • Body image
  • Counseling
  • Consumer education
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