Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to only be meant for adults. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children.. What are its causes, and what solutions can be offered?
Maintaining optimal
health
is crucial for living a healthy lifestyle and avoiding diseases and disorders for both the offsprings
and the youth.
Nowadays one of the dramatical problems is overweighed-Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
children
that deserves to focus the light on it. This
essay will highlight the principal causes of that issue and possible solutions to resolve them.
In essence, the principal causes of obesity in children
are two-fold, the carelessness of the parents
and the lack of awareness. Some Parents
don’t observe what their offspring eat and don’t limit the amount
of sweets which Change the quantifier
number
is
full of preservatives and artificial Correct subject-verb agreement
are
colors
which lead to Change the spelling
colours
health
issues such
as mental and physical disorders in the child
brain Change the noun
child's
by
time. Change preposition
over
In addition
, mother
and Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
father
buy fast Fix the agreement mistake
fathers
food
which is saturated with unhealthy oils that ruin off
the Change preposition
apply
health
of their kids and put them in weight because junk food
has unimaginable amount
of calories. Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
On the other hand
, what causes children
to be obese is the lack of awareness of both children
and parents
, they do the same old and traditional habits they got used to.
Despite these challenges, it is possible to resolve this
health
crisis happening nowadays in the last
few years. Parents
must cut off buying junk food
and limit the amounts
of sweets as much as possible per day. Fix the agreement mistake
amount
Moreover
, they ought to observe and alter their kids
habits of unhealthy Change to a genitive case
kid's
kids'
food
with healthy and beneficial types for examples
: fruits and Fix the agreement mistake
example
food
full of vitamins, omega 3 and iron to build their body
in the right way to be able to study, create and focus very well. It is not only about Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
food
but also
parents
should participate for the children
at
any type of sports which can keep their body fit and their muscles stronger. Change preposition
in
On the other
hand
the role of the government is to launch National campaigns, which can be promoted through social media and street outreach, Add a comma
hand,
have
the power to educate Correct word choice
and have
parents
, children
and youth about the importance of prioritizing their health
over anything else.
To conclude
, the most important thing in life is the health
of our offsprings
so protecting them from Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
the
different types of diseases is our responsibility. All of us must share to solve Correct article usage
apply
this
problem and think how
to attract kids to healthy Change preposition
about how
food
and to start by ourselves first because we are their role models and they do always what we do.Submitted by Mido on
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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples when explaining the causes and solutions for childhood obesity, as this will strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repeating words and phrases unnecessarily. For instance, "parents" and "children" are repeated multiple times closely together, making the text somewhat redundant.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure; some sentences could be simplified for greater clarity. For example, "they ought to observe and alter their kids habits of unhealthy food" could be made clearer: "they should monitor and change their children's unhealthy eating habits."
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. This aids the reader in following your arguments.
task achievement
You identified the main causes and solutions for childhood obesity effectively, addressing both parental responsibility and governmental roles.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.