Too much emphasis is given to education on the young. More government money should be spent on the free time activity of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There has been a common belief that
people
who are divided in their opinions regarding education
have a vital role in the future of the young generation. However
, there are some debaters that government funding should support free time
activities
. From my perspective, both
views have their merits, I agree with both
statements. The following essay takes a look at both
views.
On the one hand, investing in the education
of young people
is crucial for their personal development, future opportunities and the overall
well-being of society. In particular
, education
plays a fundamental role in equipping young generations with essential knowledge skills
to succeed in life, pursue their passions and contribute meaningfully to society. Correct word choice
and skills
For example
, students from European universities are the dearest proof that their education
system is carefully invested to ensure the quality of their students after graduation. Moreover
, investing in education
can increase employment opportunities, higher earning potential and overall
societal progress.
On the other hand
, providing funding for free time
activities
for young people
is also
important in promoting their holistic growth and well-rounded development. Engaging in free time
activities
such
as sports, arts and music can enhance young people
’s creativity, socials
skills, physical well-being and mental health. Creating extracurricular or physical Change the noun form
social
activities
is also
a way to help young people
feel less pressured after stressful classes create a more relaxed mind and stimulate the development of the brain and thinking. For instance
, adding some physical education
classes during study time
helps students have time
to both
exercise physically and relax their mind
.
In conclusion, Fix the agreement mistake
minds
both
education
and extracurricular play complementary roles in shaping well-rounded individuals who are socially adept, physically active and emotionally resilient.Submitted by [email protected] on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced view, but try to deepen your arguments by adding more detailed examples and explanations to support your points. This will strengthen your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. While the overall logic is sound, slightly clearer connectors between ideas would improve flow and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay features a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion.
task achievement
The essay covers both sides of the argument and acknowledges the value in each perspective, reflecting a well-rounded approach.