Too much emphasis is given to education on the young. More government money should be spent on the free time activity of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There has been a common belief that
people
who are divided in their opinions regarding
education
have a vital role in the future of the young generation.
However
, there are some debaters that government funding should support free
time
activities
. From my perspective,
both
views have their merits, I agree with
both
statements. The following essay takes a look at
both
views. On the one hand, investing in the
education
of young
people
is crucial for their personal development, future opportunities and the
overall
well-being of society.
In particular
,
education
plays a fundamental role in equipping young generations with essential knowledge
skills
Correct word choice
and skills
show examples
to succeed in life, pursue their passions and contribute meaningfully to society.
For example
, students from European universities are the dearest proof that their
education
system is carefully invested to ensure the quality of their students after graduation.
Moreover
, investing in
education
can increase employment opportunities, higher earning potential and
overall
societal progress.
On the other hand
, providing funding for free
time
activities
for young
people
is
also
important in promoting their holistic growth and well-rounded development. Engaging in free
time
activities
such
as sports, arts and music can enhance young
people
’s creativity,
socials
Change the noun form
social
show examples
skills, physical well-being and mental health. Creating extracurricular or physical
activities
is
also
a way to help young
people
feel less pressured after stressful classes create a more relaxed mind and stimulate the development of the brain and thinking.
For instance
, adding some physical
education
classes during study
time
helps students have
time
to
both
exercise physically and relax their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
. In conclusion,
both
education
and extracurricular play complementary roles in shaping well-rounded individuals who are socially adept, physically active and emotionally resilient.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You have provided a balanced view, but try to deepen your arguments by adding more detailed examples and explanations to support your points. This will strengthen your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. While the overall logic is sound, slightly clearer connectors between ideas would improve flow and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay features a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion.
task achievement
The essay covers both sides of the argument and acknowledges the value in each perspective, reflecting a well-rounded approach.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • overemphasis
  • burnout
  • well-being
  • mental health
  • social inclusion
  • non-academic skills
  • recreational facilities
  • antisocial behaviors
  • extracurricular activities
  • diverse interests
  • personal growth
  • real-world skills
  • intellectual society
  • undue stress
  • teamwork
  • societal development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: