Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
In modern society, more and more highlights are given to the young
while
the money of authority should be expenditure on outdoor activities for youngsters. It is the opinion of this
writer that it is better to
administration to spend the income on the leisure activities of the child rather than give too much for schooling because of stress in learning and lack of social Change preposition
for to
skills
.
It is vital to understand that, investing money in teaching is very important but this
does not mean that learners will study better. Due to
the fact that if student
learns too much without extracurricular courses it can cause stress Add an article
a student
the student
and
Correct word choice
apply
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
leads to
affect their mental health and their behaviour will feel anxious, frustrated and sad Verb problem
can
as well as
become
lack of social Verb problem
apply
skills
. As a consequence
, these students hate school as well as
goes
to school and will quit halfway through. Correct subject-verb agreement
go
Therefore
, a plan to invest in free time activity
for the young is an advisable course of action.
Another key component of the case for spending money on extramural interests is the benefit of providing social Fix the agreement mistake
activities
skills
for them. It should be self-evident that social skills
can help student
become more independent in their family and can bring a lot of benefits for them Add an article
a student
the student
such
as assisting them escape
from stress and depression that can make them suffer from autism. Add the particle
to escape
Additionally
, playing many outdoor activities can also
give children a hand to develop intellectual and increase their social skills
. In other words
, this
activity can make children improve their ability to tackle their problems, communication and teamwork.
In recapitulate, it can be seen that celebrating events hobbyist pursuits and improving social skills
for children are valid arguments for schools to consider. Therefore
, it should have been demonstrated that soft skills
are necessary in educational institutes.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and provides a clear opinion. However, it lacks some specific examples and detailed explanations to fully support your arguments. Consider adding more real-life examples or evidence to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-organized with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, some paragraphs could be more logically structured. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the sentences within the paragraphs flow naturally from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
There are minor grammatical and lexical errors throughout the essay, which sometimes make your ideas less clear. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, word choice, and sentence structure to improve clarity and precision.
task achievement
Your essay provides a clear opinion and consistently supports it throughout the text. This demonstrates a strong understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains well-developed paragraphs that each focus on a single idea. This enhances readability and clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your opinion, providing a satisfying end to your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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