Many parents put a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. To what extent do you agree?

#parents #pressure #children

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Nowadays, the

parents

and their

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

relationship are so different. It is argued that

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apply

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the majority of mothers and fathers imply immense pressure on their offspring to make them successful. I strongly disagree with

this

behavior

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behaviour

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due to

the number of negative effects that could have on

children

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children's

show examples

confident

Replace the word

confidence

show examples

and mental health.

Parents

often compare their

children

with others and force them to compete,

this

could have some destructive impacts on

children

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children's

show examples

self-confident

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self-confidence

show examples

For instance

, by forcing

children

to always get the higher score in their lessons among their classmates. They would lose their motivation

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apply

show examples

if they failed to achieve their

parents

Change to a genitive case

parent's

parents'

show examples

desireable

Correct your spelling

desirable

score.

This

leads them to feel they are

ont

Correct your spelling

not

enough and they are not as good as their friends or cousins. They might

loose

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lose

show examples

their

confiance

Correct your spelling

confidence

and consider that they could never reach their goals.

As a result

, they might not

able

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be able

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to concentrate on their lessons and would experience a significant

fell

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fall

show examples

in their studies.

Morover

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Moreover

, the great amounts of

stress

that

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

implied by

parents

, will

effect

Correct your spelling

affect

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

children

’s mental health. When

parents

impose their ideas and put their youngsters in a

challanging

Correct your spelling

challenging

situation in order to push them to success, their

children

will experience

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apply

show examples

immence

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immense

stress

. The sense of

extrem axiety

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extreme anxiety

might reduce their efficiency and they may not

able

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be able

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to finish the task.

This

will lead the youngster to isolation and depression.

Also

, the majority of young generations might react

severly

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severely

this

condition. They may

expose

Wrong verb form

be exposed

show examples

loose

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lose

show examples

their memory or get some mental diseases, which

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

root

Fix the agreement mistake

roots

show examples

stress

. In conclusion, some

parents

tend to force their offspring to achieve

thier

Correct your spelling

their

targets, in my opinion,

this

parents

Fix the agreement mistake

parent

show examples

bullying and just

push

Correct subject-verb agreement

pushes

show examples

the youngsters to lose their

confident

Replace the word

confidence

show examples

and tolerate lots of

stress

Submitted by Negar_seddigh on Wed Jun 05 2024

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task achievement

Your essay provides a clear stance on the issue and presents relevant arguments. However, more specific examples and evidence could further strengthen your points.

coherence cohesion

There are several grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasing that affect clarity. Consider revising for smoother flow and precision.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate your main argument well.

task achievement

Your points are logically organized and supported by relevant arguments.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
33
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

293 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

academic excellence
extracurricular activities
prosperous future
societal standards
peer competition
motivation
discipline
unfulfilled ambitions
resource availability
opportunity exploitation

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