Some children seem to take up famous people as their role models. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

When it comes to

celebrities

, younger generations tend to emulate them as their

role

models

.In

this

essay, the writer firmly believes that the benefits of educational value are overshadowed by the drawbacks of unrealistic

standards

and unhealthy

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

. One reason why idolizing

celebrities

role

models

is detrimental is their promotion of unrealistic societal

standards

. To put it simply, even though some famous people have a right standard,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

others do not and

this

can directly impact

children

's minds as they will see it as a good value in society.

For instance

, some famous people, as seen in China, often abuse substances and promote

this

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

to their fans.

As a result

, the young can think that it is just a method of relaxation without knowing the effect of

this

action. Another drawback of seeing famous people as

role

models

is that it can lead to unhealthy lifestyles in

children

In other words

, some

celebrities

embody beauty

standards

, leading the younger generation to aspire to emulate them.

However

, achieving

such

standards

may require extreme measures

such

as prolonged fasting or excessive exercise.

Due to

Correct pronoun usage

this

show examples

children

can form an unhealthy lifestyle.

For example

, in South Korea, where beauty

standards

are highly emphasized,

celebrities

adhere to rigorous schedules to maintain their appearance.

However

children

may misconstrue

this

as a healthy lifestyle and blindly emulate it, leading to detrimental effects.

By contrast

, there is an advantage of

this

tendency is that it helps young generations widen their knowledge. To explain

further

, some

celebrities

who use their platform to promote education, creativity, and critical thinking can contribute positively to

children

's intellectual development.

While

this

may hold true, if these individuals are uninformed, they may disseminate misinformation that directly impacts the younger generation's worldview.

Consequently

children

not only fail to gain

any

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

valuable insights from

celebrities

but

also

acquire erroneous beliefs. In conclusion,

while

idolizing

celebrities

role

models

may offer educational value, the drawbacks of promoting unrealistic

standards

and unhealthy lifestyles overshadow any potential benefits.

Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on Wed Jun 05 2024

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task achievement

Ensure to refine and clarify the thesis statement in the introduction. The thesis should briefly encapsulate the main points that will be discussed without ambiguity.

coherence cohesion

Improve the transition between paragraphs. This could involve using more cohesive devices or phrases to ensure smooth flow from one point to the next.

task achievement

Strong examples have been provided, making the arguments more compelling and relatable.

coherence cohesion

Clear and logical structure is present, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument.

coherence cohesion

A concise conclusion effectively reinforces the main points discussed in the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

330 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some children seem to take up famous people as their role models. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Your opinion

Some museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

Particular cultures are under threat nowdays due to the fact that we are living in a global village.What do you think can be done to protect a society's traditional values and cultures?

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

some people think that when a person travels into a different culture they should adapt to the local practices and customs. to what extent do you agree or disagree?