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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.
The pie charts illustrate the proportions of residents divided by age categories in two countries,
Yemen
Use synonyms
 and Italy, in 2000 and expectations in 2050.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in 2000 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
 in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 accounted for the half of total population, followed by
adults
Use synonyms
 with 46.3%,
however
Linking Words
 in 2050 the main category,
accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
show examples
 for 57.3%, will become
people
Use synonyms
 15-59 years old,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of
children
Use synonyms
 will decrease to 37%.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in both
Correct your spelling
countries
counteries
Add a comma
counteries,
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
age
Add an article
the age
an age
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more than 60 will be doubled during
presented
Add an article
the presented
show examples
 period, albeit in
Yemen
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 category will
remains
Change the verb form
remain
show examples
 the smallest, less than 6%,
while
Linking Words
 in Italy there will be 42.3% of
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
 population.
Finally
Linking Words
, in
Italy
Add a comma
Italy,
show examples
 the proportion of both
adults
Use synonyms
 and
children
Use synonyms
 will decrease, from 61.6% to 46.2% and from 14.3% to 11.5% respectively.
Overall
Linking Words
, in Italy
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of
adults
Use synonyms
 and
children
Use synonyms
 will reduce and old
people
Use synonyms
 will take almost the same share as
adults
Use synonyms
. In
Yemen
Use synonyms
number
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
 will shrink in favour of
adults
Use synonyms
 and old
people
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words yemen, number, children, adults, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • age demographics
  • age structure
  • population distribution
  • youthful population
  • ageing population
  • life expectancy
  • birth rate
  • demographic shift
  • population projection
  • median age
  • dependents
  • working-age population
  • elderly dependents
  • geriatric
  • fertility rate
  • migration
  • demographic trends
  • baby boomers
  • demographic dividend
  • population pyramid
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