IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

You should spend about 40 mins. Write about the following topic: Many people think that mobile phones should be banned in public places such as libraries, shops and public transport. Do you agree or disagree?

#mins #topic #people #phones #places #libraries #shops #transport
Nowadays using of cell
phones
 is crucial for daily activities and communications. Some people are thinking
to limits
Change preposition
of limiting
show examples
 their use in public regions. I partially disagree with the statement. In
this
 essay, I will discuss my opinion. On the one hand, using
phones
 is very important in our daily routine
such
 as learning, contacting our friends and helping us
inthe
Correct your spelling
in the
 completion of our tasks.
For instance
, some students can
be upload
Change the verb form
upload
show examples
 a book
that is
 related to their studies.
However
, downloading dictionaries and documents is helpful for their studies. So, mobile
phones
 nowadays becoming very helpful and playing a major role in organizing our lives.
On the other hand
, I believe that the using of a mobile
phone
 can cause distraction and confusion especially with over usage of a
phone
. Eventually,
this
 distraction can lead to a reduction of personal creativity, productivity and focus.
Furthermore
, some scientists revealed,
using
Correct word choice
that using
show examples
phones
 can lead to serious problems.
Such
 as affection for a major area in the brain especially in the brain of young people. In conclusion, the limitation of mobile
phone
 use has positive and negative consequences. In my view, the restriction of cell
phone
 usage depends on many factors that must be taken into consideration before legislation of any rules that limit using of
phones
.
Submitted by afnan.sa1992 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences within the paragraph relate to that main idea. This will enhance the logical structure of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Work on refining the introduction. It should clearly outline your stance and briefly mention the main points you will discuss.
task achievement
Provide more specific and vivid examples to support your main points. This will help in making your argument stronger and more relatable.
clear comprehensive ideas
Avoid general statements and focus on making your ideas clearer and more comprehensive. Each argument should be fully explained to ensure clarity and depth of understanding.
task achievement
The essay identifies both sides of the argument, showcasing an attempt to balance the discussion.
supported main points
The writing highlights relevant aspects of how mobile phones can be both beneficial and detrimental.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Disturbance
  • Disruptive
  • Exposure
  • Eye strain
  • Face-to-face interactions
  • Social isolation
  • Hinder
  • Emergency situations
  • Quick access
  • Crucial
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