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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people hold the view that a good teacher is more important for education success while others think the student’s attitude is more important to succeed in education. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There is a belief that for
education
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, a lecturer is more valuable than the pupil's attitude toward succeeding in
school
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. In
this
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 essay, I will write these two arguments and explain my point of view on these matters. Some people think that the quality of teachers has a big role in achieving a great result in
education
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.
Students
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 learn many
subjects
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 from their teachers at
school
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 and they will absorb their teacher's knowledge during the learning
process
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. So, it is important to have a great teacher in the
school
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 to help pupils get a better understanding of whatever they learned.
For example
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, when
students
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 study mathematics subject and are confused about how to solve an aljabar question, they ask their mentor to help finish the question.
Furthermore
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, an excellent tutor will give a complete explanation using their knowledge and skills to teach.
As a result
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,
students
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 will get a better understanding and get excellent grades in
school
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.
On the other hand
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, there is a belief that the attitude of the scholars is more important for
education
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 success. When studying in
school
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, pupils with good behaviour will find it easier to understand the
subjects
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 they learned.
For example
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, when the mentor explains biology
subjects
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, scholars who pay attention to their teachers will get a better understanding of the subject compared to those who don't have a good attitude (sleep during the learning
process
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 or even skip the class). In my opinion, to succeed in
school
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 life, pupils should have a good understanding of the materials they learned and complete their tests with good grades. To achieve it,
students
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 should be enthusiastic about the learning
process
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.
However
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, having a great mentor during the learning
process
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 will help them to get more understanding of the
subjects
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.
Finally
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, good tutor and pupil behaviour are two components that will be worked together to achieve
education
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 success.

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task achievement
To improve task response, make sure to include more relevant and detailed examples to support each argument. This will bolster your points and make your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
For clearer and more comprehensive ideas, aim to expand on each argument a bit more. Provide additional reasoning and real-world examples where applicable.
coherence cohesion
To enhance logical structure, consider using transition words and phrases to make the flow of ideas more seamless. This will help guide the reader through your arguments smoothly.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively outlines the topic and clearly states the purpose of the essay. This sets a solid foundation for your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion nicely wraps up the essay by summarizing the key points and giving your final opinion, which makes your essay feel complete.
supported main points
Your points are supported by relevant examples, making your arguments more tangible and relatable.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • inspire
  • motivate
  • engaged
  • persist
  • responsibility
  • resources
  • collaborative efforts
  • educational outcomes
  • discipline
  • study habits
  • interdependent
  • individualized support
  • complex concepts
  • overcome challenges
  • receptive student
  • external factors
  • family support
  • peer influence
  • socio-economic status
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