Children facing academic, social and commercial pressures. Causes and solutions.
Children
have overbearing
burden in their academics, Add an article
an overbearing
the overbearing
social
life Correct word choice
and social
as well as
in commercial settings. Globalisation and increased parents
’ expectations
contribute immensely to this
pressure while
a well established
parent-child relationship and a decreased expectation from a child can ameliorate the problem extensively. In Add a hyphen
well-established
this
essay, I will elucidate on these multifarious contributing factors and proposed solutions.
One reason can be attributed to the tremendously advancing technology. The huge planet earth
of decades ago has become a small global village which is well linked up. Capitalize word
Earth
This
emergence increases the range of competition in the sphere of knowledge acquisition, interaction and public exchange. For instance
, a student is no longer in competition with a regular schoolmate or a next door
neighbour, but rather has to invest more time and energy against other rivalries within the now small global village. Add a hyphen
next-door
Additionally
, parents
contribute immensely to this
problem due to
their increased expectations
from their kids, especially their quest for outstanding academic performance from the children
, coupled with
other extracurricular merits. These consequently
emanate an overwhelming feeling of pressure on these teenagers.
On the other hand
, parents
can contribute to the mitigation of the burden by having a well established
rapport with their Add a hyphen
well-established
children
. An example is spending more quality time with family,
Remove the comma
apply
while
having extensive discussion
of daily life challenges with the kids. At the same time, Fix the agreement mistake
discussions
parents
and guardians should subdue their unrealistic expectations
of the children
in this
tedious small globe. Subsequently
they would be reassured and relieved of the enormous worries of life.
In conclusion, teenagers have more shouldering problems Add a comma
Subsequently,
due to
world developments and parents
’ surging expectations
. Parents
can help reduce this
pressure by creating a good relationship with their children
.Submitted by find.love.ua on
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task response
While the essay addresses the topic and provides relevant points, there is room for improvement regarding the clarity and depth of the ideas. Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from more varied sentence structures and advanced vocabulary. This would enhance the overall coherence and make the arguments more compelling. Make sure to also link sentences and ideas smoothly.
task response
Try to include more relevant and specific examples to reinforce your points. This will make your arguments more persuasive and demonstrate your understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each part is easy to identify and follows a logical order.
task response
The main points are relevant and directly address the causes and solutions related to the academic, social, and commercial pressures faced by children.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and reiterates the main argument, providing a sense of closure to the essay.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...