The government should lower the budget on the arts in order to allocate more money to education. To what extent do you agree?
The proposal for prioritizing
education
over arts
through
cutting down expenses of Add a missing verb
is through
arts
and putting up money
spent on Add an article
the money
education
sector. I completely agree with Add an article
the education
government’s
stance on Correct article usage
the government’s
this
matter. Spend more on education
.
I argue that if education
is well-funded, all other sectors will get better including arts
. Correct article usage
the arts
For instance
, it's often believed that if a country's schools and colleges aren't given enough cash to build classrooms then
believe it or not all other sectors in the government
will not in
good shape, and Add a missing verb
be in
in contrast
if these are well-off. Equally
teachers need to Add a comma
Equally,
paid
well so they pay their bills. The combination of these two Add a missing verb
be paid
contribute
to Change the verb form
contributes
raise
children who are knowledgeable and Change the verb form
raising
therefore
health, economic
and all other departments of Replace the word
economics
government
replenish.
Moreover
, when schools and all educational sectors lack capital
to continue their operation, learners start doubting their future and their go-to solution oftentimes is the dropout. Add an article
the capital
This
results
music schools Add the preposition
results in
results from
are
fully filled with students, Wrong verb form
being
while
science colleges don't have a small number of students. In addition
to
, the effects of not finding people Correct pronoun usage
to this
work
Fix the infinitive
to work
Change preposition
in these
these profession
can result Change the determiner
this profession
these professions
government
deal
with all Wrong verb form
dealing
sort
of problems. Fix the agreement mistake
sorts
For
instance
the country might look for professional workers Add a comma
instance,
come
from foreign countries and Correct pronoun usage
who come
that is
a huge problem because of communication barriers.
To sum up
, it can be argued that
whether governments have more budget for Correct word choice
apply
arts
than education
or not. In my view, I feel that education
sector improves every aspect of Correct article usage
the education
government
agencies, departments
, so it must Correct word choice
and departments
be spent
the most money on Wrong verb form
spend
education
.Submitted by mohammednou2t on
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task achievement
Your introduction outlines your stance well; however, it could be more succinct and focused. Try to clearly state the importance of funding education over arts in a single, compelling sentence.
task achievement
Your main points are generally supported, but the examples could be more specific and clear. Introduce distinct examples for better illustration of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Keep your arguments within your paragraphs focused and concise. Each main point should directly follow a clear topic sentence to ensure the reader remains aligned with your narrative.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each of your ideas flows naturally into the next. Better transitions between paragraphs can improve the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Your argument that funding education can have positive effects on other sectors, including arts, is well put and demonstrates critical thinking.
task achievement
You effectively raise valid points about the wider implications of insufficient funding in education, such as potential dropout rates and dependency on foreign professionals.