In some cultures, children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#cultures #children #message

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The

notion

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that anything can be achieved by

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hardwork

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hard work

and

perservarance

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perseverance

has sparked intense debates recently.

This

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easy

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essay

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will delve into the merits and demerits of imposing

this

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phenomenon on children

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apply

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while

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maintaining a neutral stance. Proponents of

this

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notion

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argue that

they

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there

show examples

are numerous benefits to

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

educating

youngers

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younger

show examples

on how paramount

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hardwork

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hard work

is.

Firstly

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, when minors develop

mindset

Add an article

a mindset

the mindset

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that

there

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apply

show examples

anything is attainable by continous

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hardwork

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hard work

, It motivates them

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show examples

pursing

Verb problem

pursue

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their dreams and

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in an

show examples

Correct article usage

the

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event that they face changes, they are able to restrategise, refocus and restart.

This

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plays an instrumental well-being not only

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show examples

an individual but a society as a whole.

For instance

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, a student having difficulties in a subject in school will have the impetus to

ciontinue

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continue

trying hard, devoting a substantial amount of time to learn the subjects as they believe that there is nothing

hardworkwork

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hard work work

cannot achieve.

Additionally

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, almost most of the innovation and technological advancement

have

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has

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been a success through

Use synonyms

hardwork

Correct your spelling

hard work

and resilience, if these people

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were up

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on these ventures

due to

Linking Words

uncertanty

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uncertainty

and

obstancle

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obstacle

obstacles

obscured, the world would be stagnant.

However

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, the disadvantages of

this

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notion

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cannot be understated. Working hard in itself has no drawbacks but the extent

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which an individual will achieve anything is what becomes a problem,

for instance

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, a medical student

have

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has

show examples

academic challenges may not be willing to

enroll

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enrol

show examples

an alternative programs

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an alternative program

alternative programs

show examples

because they believe they can excel in the field because of the preinstalled

notion

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This

Linking Words

posses

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poses

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a huge challenge and can lead to psychological disorders, depression, financial loss and

heihhtened

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heightened

stress

level

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levels

show examples

in the event that their dreams are not fulfilled.

Hence

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, it is essential for caregivers and career guidance instructors to offer appropriate education on

Use synonyms

hardwork

Correct your spelling

hard work

. In conclusion, both the benefits are

potentail

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potential

drawbacks are valid.

Although

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it is incontrovertible that

Use synonyms

hardwork

Correct your spelling

hard work

has high success rates and has

lead

Wrong verb form

led

show examples

to numerous

invention

Fix the agreement mistake

inventions

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and

tecnological

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technological

advance

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advances

show examples

, its potential drawback

such

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finanvial

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financial

loss, mental dysregulation and self harm cannot be overlooked. It is essential that an individual should carefully consider

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this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

factors before

endeveouring

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endeavouring

to pursue a career or project.

Submitted by shantalesiyoni23 on Wed Jun 05 2024

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language

There are several small grammatical mistakes (e.g., 'children how paramount hardwork is' should be 'children on how paramount hard work is') and typos (e.g., 'easy' should be 'essay', 'coinntinue' should be 'continue'). Proofreading your work will significantly improve this.

structure

The essay could be more logically organized. Consider breaking it into more paragraphs to clearly separate different points. Proper use of transitional phrases will also aid the reader in following your argument clearly.

content development

Clarify your points more thoroughly. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that this idea is well-developed with specific examples or explanations. For instance, elaborate on how hard work contributes to technological advancement with more concrete examples.

content

You've provided a fairly balanced discussion covering both the advantages and disadvantages of the message.

structure

Your introduction and conclusion serve their purpose well by outlining the essay's topic and summarizing the key points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
40
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

349 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

achieve
try hard
positive mindset
self-belief
motivates
ambitious goals
resilience
determination
confidence
self-esteem
growth mindset
unrealistic expectations
disappointment
failure
effort
hard work
seek support
individual differences
abilities
capabilities

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In some cultures, children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Your opinion

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree?

The governments should give each citizen a basic income so that they have enough money to live on, even if they are unemployed. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Topic 2: These days many families move to other countries for work. Some people believe that the children in these families benefit from this move. However, others believe that it makes life more difficult for the children. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.