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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
#information #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions
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The graph illustrates the data about the proportion of citizens in different four Asia regions, which
are reside
Wrong verb form
resided
show examples
in particular
Linking Words
 cities between 1970 and 2020, with projections for
2030
Correct article usage
the 2030
show examples
 and 2040 period.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that at the start period, in the 1970 year,
while
Linking Words
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 of Malaysians and Indonesians had not lived at the highest per
cent
Use synonyms
, they are forecasted to be
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 percentage of the population residing in the next 70-year predictions, which Malaysia country is projected as the highest, followed by that Indonesia.
Contrast to
Change preposition
In contrast
show examples
 Thai residents
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 will be the lowest population among various nations. Starting from
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1970, amount of Malaysian and Indonesians living in their country was approximately 30 and just over 10 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
 population, respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
, both of them,
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
dramatically increased in each
Correct your spelling
decade
dacades
Correct your spelling
decade
 through 2020, and these are forecasted to
higher
Add a missing verb
be higher
show examples
Change preposition
at
show examples
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
 around 80 and 60 per
cent
Use synonyms
, respectively. Filipinos experienced reaching
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the highest well over 30 per
cent
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 people living in the year 1970,
while
Linking Words
 Thais people resulted
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
just under 20 per
cent
Use synonyms
. Both of them
were
Verb problem
had
show examples
 a slight fluctuation until
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2020, which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 predicted to be a rise at roughly 50
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
.
Submitted by arunrak.wk on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words cent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • graph
  • percentage
  • population
  • Asian countries
  • living in cities
  • 1970
  • 2020
  • predictions
  • 2030
  • 2040
  • introduction
  • overview
  • trend
  • body paragraph
  • compare
  • predicted percentages
  • summarize
  • closing statement
What to do next:
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