IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that the salaries paid to professional sportspeople are too high while others argue that sports salaries are fair. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Many people claim that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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professional sportsperson turnovers are definitely too high.
However
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, some people opine that
sports
Use synonyms
 wages are equitable. From my point of view, I believe that the salaries paid to sportspeople are fair. I am going to explain both outlooks below.
Firstly
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, in my opinion, the number of received salaries to sportsmen and women is adequate
also
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this
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 is not unfair.
For example
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, we all know conducting
sports
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 in a professional way
requires
Add the particle
requires to
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 spend staggering energy and
this
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 has spanned many years. To give a clear example, a person who wants to become a runner
besides
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 practising in competitions should perform a specific program to obtain a strong foot and win competitions.
This
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 would create an indispensable situation to receive a noteworthy figure.
Therefore
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,
this
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 makes it clear because
this
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 is one of the toughest professions in the world the number of sportsperson salaries should be high.
By contrast
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, others opine that the skilful sportspeople's income is too high.
In addition
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, these people believe that
this
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 should be reduced.
For instance
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, in some football teams around the globe
sports
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 centres regularly invest huge finance in a famous athlete
besides
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 recompense for playing on the football pitch once a week. There is no denying that it would seem unfair.
This
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 would create a noticeable complaint via the society
in addition
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 to other athletes.
As a result
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, it becomes apparent there is a bona fide reason behind each claim by the community. To summarise, I completely believe that the
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
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of
Change preposition
for
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 wages for skilful
sports
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 females and males are impartial. It is recommended that coaches and
the
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apply
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governments spend more money to encourage athletes to set their personal best.

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task achievement
Your essay covers both views on the topic, which shows a comprehensive understanding. However, you could enhance your task achievement by providing more specific examples and expanding on your explanations. For instance, including data or specific instances of athlete salaries in various sports might strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
While your essay holds a logical structure and includes an introduction and conclusion, there are areas where the coherence can be improved. For example, using transitional words and phrases more effectively can help in making your points flow better and improve readability.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, demonstrating a good structure.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported and show a good level of depth in analysis. However, consider using more varied sentences and avoiding repetition for a stronger impact.
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