IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a [huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

#people #sites #facebook #[huge #impact #individuals #society
Several individuals believe that community
internet
for example
 Facebook have made a big toxic influence on both the population and the population.
This
 writer firmly contends that social networking sites may affect society's thinking, and behaviour , especially the young. first of all, social networking sites force the public's behaviour. it changes our thinking, and emotions, and makes us dependent on virtual space. a lot of society especially youngsters and teens become addicted to the
internet
, they spend time in front of the screen and surf for a long time, if anyone discontinues their mood, they will be cross and violent.
thus
, virtual space should be kept away in the modern era.
secondly
, a fake area is
also
 a place in which crimes engage in secret and illegal things.
Internet
 is an unreal area where we do not know who we are, it is an easy hole for dishonest and addiction to take advantage of themself. they can tell lies to cheat the crowd's beliefs and after that, they steal luxurious things
such
 as money or personal identity.
For instance
, residents in Vietnam sometimes receive messages that they have a contact or maybe just an offer. A lot of personalities believe it so they click on the links and the criminals will have our information, the stolen folk would use that data to do illegal things. So, the government and residents around the world should be careful and addicted to that area. in conclusion, social networking sites are dangerous and secret. it causes a lot of affection to family so each individual should find out the right way to use the
internet
 and be careful with the chat in the virtual space.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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task achievement
To improve, elaborate further on each point with more detailed explanations and examples. It is important to provide enough depth to your arguments to fully address the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. The link between addiction and violent behavior is not strongly established. Work on making the connections between ideas clearer.
coherence cohesion
Use paragraphs to separate different ideas, making it easier for readers to follow your thoughts. This essay would benefit from clearer paragraphing.
task achievement
The essay introduces the topic clearly and takes a firm stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main points effectively and presents a clear opinion on the matter.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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