Some people think that Olympic game are exciting events that bring other nations together. Others say Olympics is a waste of money and the money could be better spend on other things. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In
modern
age, the issue of Add an article
the modern
Olympic
games is something which bears some consideration. Correct article usage
the Olympic
This
writer concurs with the former point of view because Olympics
should Correct article usage
the Olympics
be hold
to give more opportunities for people to have experiences despite those who Change the verb form
be held
believing
that Change the form of the verb
believe
this
amount of money should be invest
for other purposes.
It must be recognized that Change the verb form
be invested
be investing
Olympic
competitions will bring significant advantages for individuals. Indeed, these events provide suitable
environment for people to compete and practice with each other. By participating in Add an article
a suitable
Correct article usage
the Olympic
Olympic
, competitors are likely to boost their knowledge and cultivate more skills and experiences which Fix the agreement mistake
Olympics
supporting
noticeably for their later competitions and future careers. Verb problem
is
Therefore
, the benefit of Olympic
games for attendants is an undeniable fact.
Correct article usage
the Olympic
However
, some people argue that helding
international Correct your spelling
holding
sports
events require
building stadiums and a wide range of Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
sports
facilities. As a consequence
, equiping
these state-of-the-art devices Correct your spelling
equipping
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
a
massive funding from governments and investors. Remove the article
apply
Thus
, local authorities should spend these expenditure
on mobile stadiums Change the determiner
this expenditure
these expenditures
instead
of the various ones for each sports
. Change to a singular noun
sport
This
is true in Qatar, where local governments use this
amount of money for multi-purpose stadium
to serve for Fix the agreement mistake
stadiums
Olympic
games.
This
is the author
opinion that Change noun form
author's
Olympic
competitions benefit residents in building rapport between nations. This
is due to
the fact that they are more exposed, meaning they are better equiped
for their later careers. Because of Correct your spelling
equipped
this
, these sports
events should be organised, so that competitors can develop and get enhancement.
Take
all points into account, it is necessary to establish Wrong verb form
Taking
Olympics
to build companionship among states. Correct article usage
the Olympics
However
, local authorities must invest more on
mobile Change preposition
in
stadium
and multi-functional facilities to secure financial Fix the agreement mistake
stadiums
beckground
.Correct your spelling
background
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task achievement
Your essay presents both viewpoints and provides your opinion, which meets the requirements of the task. However, the explanation of the points can be more comprehensive and detailed. For example, you could elaborate more on how the Olympics benefit individuals and nations and provide more specific examples for clarity.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure to the essay with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, some transitions between ideas need smoother connections to improve the overall flow. For instance, the transition between the benefits of the Olympics and the argument about the cost could be more seamless.
coherence cohesion
There are some grammar and vocabulary errors, such as "helding" instead of "holding" and "equiped" instead of "equipped." Additionally, pay attention to word choice and collocations to ensure accuracy and clarity. It would help to review subject-verb agreement and article usage.
task achievement
The essay addresses both perspectives on the issue and provides a clear opinion, which shows a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and a conclusion that restates the main idea, providing a well-rounded structure.
coherence cohesion
The essay makes an effort to use advanced vocabulary and complex sentence structures, which is commendable.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.