Many people work long hour, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages and disadvantages:
In these
days, Change preposition
These
due to
cost of high standard living people are doing shifts for extra hours as well
as
some masses Correct word choice
and
doing
double shifts to Wrong verb form
do
fullfill
their expenses or desires and Correct your spelling
fulfil
have
not enough Add a missing verb
do have
time
for recreational activities. I will expl
the both merits and demerits of Correct your spelling
explain
this
statement in upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
with, employers who are doing long hour
shifts are financially stable, they have a good bank balance and are able to Add a hyphen
long-hour
fulfill
their dreams with the Change the spelling
fulfil
hard earning
money as they have no need to lend money from someone else to buy something. Correct your spelling
hard-earned
Moreover
, nowadays money plays a vital role in the
society to maintain the Correct article usage
apply
standa
of living because nobody Correct your spelling
standard
want
to make Change the verb form
wants
a
poor friends, rich Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
peop
are more respectful in the community Correct your spelling
people
instead
of Add an article
the middle
middle class
or poor ones.
Add a hyphen
middle-class
On the other hand
, this
trend has also
some drawbacks,when individuals are standing for long
Change the article
a long
time
or doing heavy lifting on
Change preposition
in
workplace
, Add an article
the workplace
this
makes them physically or mentally unstable because people are not devoting enough time
to relax
Replace the word
relaxing
themselves
which is very crucial to Remove the pronoun
apply
make
the body healthy and active. Wrong verb form
making
In addition
to this
, the masses who do not pay attention to curriculum activities and remained
busy in their work Wrong verb form
remain
they
become more depressed and Correct pronoun usage
apply
suffered
from different diseases Wrong verb form
suffer
such
as obesity, high blood pressure and anxiety. Due to
these reasons spare time
is essential for energetic
and happy life span.
In conclusion, it is concluded that Correct article usage
an energetic
wealt
and health are both necessary parts of every human being's life. Correct your spelling
wealth
Therefore
, people should try to balance their work and relaxation time
to become more prosperous.Submitted by manpreetkaurzzx on
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Coherence and Cohesion
You should work on improving the logical flow of your essay. Try to ensure each paragraph logically transitions to the next and that your ideas are clearly connected. For example, use more transition words and phrases to show the relationships between your ideas.
Task Achievement
While your essay does address both advantages and disadvantages, try to develop your arguments more deeply with specific examples. This will help demonstrate your full understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Pay attention to grammar and spelling mistakes to avoid potential confusion. For instance, "expl" should be "explain," "standa" should be "standard," and so on. Cleaner language will boost your essay's clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your arguments effectively.
Task Achievement
You addressed both sides of the argument, discussing both advantages and disadvantages, which shows a balanced view.
Coherence and Cohesion
You made a good point about the physical and mental health effects of working long hours. This helps to underscore the disadvantages.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.