IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many offices and schools have open-space design these days. DO you think this is a positive or negative development?

#offices #schools #open-space #design #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Presently, a
mjority
Correct your spelling
majority
 of
building
Replace the word
buildings
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
offces
Correct your spelling
offices
 and schools have open area
design
Fix the agreement mistake
designs
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of
indvidual
Correct your spelling
individual
 rooms. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 .
this
Linking Words
 is a negative development which can lead to lack of
privecy
Correct your spelling
privacy
,potentially harmful
siuation
Correct your spelling
situation
situations
,
also
Linking Words
 Easy spread of
illnessand
Correct your spelling
illness and
 it
ishard
Correct your spelling
is hard
 staff to concentrate. One serious problem that can arise from having open spaces is that it can lead to a lack of privacy. In these areas, especially in schools, teachers and students do not have private rooms to do their work and tasks.
For example
Linking Words
, when students do not have a private room, they cannot easily complete their tasks in groups during their free time.
As a result
Linking Words
, in offices and schools, people will lose their freedom to do anything because of the crowded places and lack of private space. Another issue is that
Correct article usage
the
show examples
Easy spread of illness can be
drwbaks
Correct your spelling
drawbacks
drawback
 of having
open-space
Correct your spelling
open space
show examples
. In
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
show examples
, place without any space or Without walls or barriers
spread
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
deses
Correct your spelling
diseases
 and viruses move freely.
For instance
Linking Words
, if someone
chach
Correct your spelling
catch
 a cold or
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
 sick, which can make it easier for illnesses to get
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
from
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
, employees may need to take sick leave, which
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 them unable to complete their work on time.
Finlly
Correct your spelling
Finally
, the
lake
Correct your spelling
lack
show examples
 of
concentrate
Replace the word
concentration
show examples
and poor
preformance
Correct your spelling
performance
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will
be happen
Change the verb form
happen
show examples
 especially for the staff. To
explin
Correct your spelling
explain
furuther
Correct your spelling
further
, when the employees come to
soulve
Correct your spelling
solve
 some issue in their
jobe
Correct your spelling
job
show examples
 they need to some Isolat
speace
Correct your spelling
space
 to focus. IN
this
Linking Words
 way they
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 able to concentrate
becauce
Correct your spelling
because
 the area
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 set up for work. In conclusion,
althought
Correct your spelling
although
 it become
mor
Correct your spelling
more
dvelopment
Correct your spelling
developed
 in some
sutotion
Correct your spelling
situations
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they cannot
relize
Correct your spelling
realize
realise
 the resulting damages
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 opening the area which make them lose more .
Submitted by s_syedy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar
Improve spelling and grammar to enhance readability. For example, 'mjority' should be 'majority,' 'offces' should be 'offices,' 'indvidual' should be 'individual,' etc.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on constructing more coherent and cohesive sentences. For instance, connect sentences smoothly using appropriate linking words and phrases.
Task Response
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your arguments. This would strengthen the main points of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one point to the next, maintaining a consistent focus on the topic.
Task Response
You have clearly stated your opinion, which is important for task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of your essay includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good for coherence and cohesion.
Task Response
You've attempted to provide examples to illustrate your points, which is a good strategy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: