IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The invention of technologies
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 influenced
juveniles
Change noun form
juveniles'
juvenile's
show examples
 way of allocating their leisure time. In my opinion, the cons
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 more significant than the pros
becauce
Correct your spelling
because
 it could lead to isolation and
also
Linking Words
 has more health implications.
Firstly
Linking Words
, exposure to the new device would result
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct article usage
the seperation
show examples
seperation
Correct your spelling
separation
 of
children
Use synonyms
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. There
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 plentiful
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
entertainment which is really addictive and they can spend a lot of time flipping from one game to another without interacting
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 peers and family. They seem to enjoy their own company
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
 others.
For instance
Linking Words
, research has shown that about 70% of
children
Use synonyms
 who have
differnt
Correct your spelling
different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 devices are antisocial.
Moreover
Linking Words
, frequent use of technology could lead to health problems. The constant use of
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 and long exposure of light to the
eye
Use synonyms
 can cause
eye
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
. The addictive nature of the invention
glue
Correct subject-verb agreement
glues
show examples
 infant to the device and
capture
Correct subject-verb agreement
captures
show examples
 their
wholeself
Correct your spelling
whole self
whole-self
 without blinking their
eye
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 caused the
eye
Use synonyms
 to irritate and redness and sometimes could result
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
short sightedness
Add a hyphen
short-sightedness
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, a paper published by Ghanaian Times
indicate
Change the verb form
indicates
show examples
 that about 60% of young
children
Use synonyms
 who are
sufferring
Correct your spelling
suffering
 from
short sightedness
Add a hyphen
short-sightedness
show examples
 is
as a result
Linking Words
 of long exposure to screens. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 we have some advantages ,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
the disadvantages
outweights
Correct your spelling
outweigh
outweighs
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 because they have
serious
Add an article
a serious
show examples
 impact on
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 health and
caused
Wrong verb form
cause
show examples
 disassociation from their family and peers.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your response addresses the prompt and presents a clear position, but it would benefit from further development. Consider adding more points about potential advantages to create a balanced argument and address the prompt fully.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, try to improve the flow between paragraphs through better use of transition words and phrases to enhance cohesion.
task response
Although your main points are supported by examples, ensure the examples directly reinforce the main argument. The relevance and specificity of examples could be improved for a clearer link with the main points.
coherence and cohesion
There are some grammatical errors and misspellings (e.g. 'becauce' should be 'because', 'seperation' should be 'separation', etc.), which slightly detract from the clarity. Proofreading your work can help minimize such errors.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, aim to use a variety of sentence structures and linking phrases to connect your ideas more fluidly.
task response
You have clearly outlined both the advantages and disadvantages of new technologies on children, which is key to addressing the essay prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion succinctly frame your argument, providing a neat summary of your main points.
task response
The use of specific research examples, such as the study from Ghanaian Times, adds credibility to your arguments and demonstrates the application of evidence.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • new technologies
  • children
  • free time
  • access
  • educational resources
  • information
  • development
  • key skills
  • enhancing
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • opportunity
  • connect
  • convenience
  • flexibility
  • lack
  • physical activity
  • potential
  • health issues
  • impact
  • social
  • emotional development
  • exposure
  • inappropriate content
  • addiction
  • dependency
What to do next:
Look at other essays: