Topic: some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play\ with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the children of having a large number of toys?
Playing is
a
one of Change the article
apply
favourite
things for Correct article usage
the favourite
children
. Having a
more Correct article usage
apply
of
Change preposition
apply
toys
for them is heaven for children
nowadays. This
essay will help to understanding
the good and bad impact for Change the verb form
understand
children
who have a large number of toys
.
One major advantage of having many different toys
is can stimulate a child's creativity and imagination. Some of
Change preposition
apply
variation
of Fix the agreement mistake
variations
toys
can help children
to understanding
how to play Change the verb form
understand
the
Change preposition
with the
toys
. For instance
, a child with an action figures
can create imaginative Correct the article-noun agreement
action figures
an action figure
of
stories and Change preposition
apply
screnarios
. Correct your spelling
scenarios
These thing
can Change the determiner
This thing
These things
increasing
their cognitive and Change the verb form
increase
be increasing
emotinal
skills.
Correct your spelling
emotional
With a
variety of Change preposition
A
toys
can facilitate childrens
cooperation with Change to a genitive case
children's
another
Replace the adjective
another child
other children
children
. They are more likely to share about what toys
they have or tells
Correct subject-verb agreement
tell
among
Change preposition
apply
children
how to play with that
Correct determiner usage
those
toys
it will make children
fosters
a sense of working together and learn Correct subject-verb agreement
foster
valuable
social Add an article
a valuable
the valuable
skill
from a young age.
Despite the disadvantages, having a large number of Fix the agreement mistake
skills
toys
mar
Correct your spelling
makes
children
struggling to focus on their particular activity. Furthermore
, an overabundance of toys
can forster
materialistic tendencies in Correct your spelling
foster
children
, leading them to place greater value on possessions rather than experiences or relationships. Researchers shos
that Correct your spelling
show
children
with an abundance of toys
tend to show a stronger preference for material possessions.
In conclusion, providing children
with a huge number of toys
can offer advantages in terms of fostering creativity, imagination, and social skills. However
, it is essential to be mindful of potential drawbacks, including overwhelming the child, diminishing appreciation, and fostering materialistic tendencies.Submitted by jermias.darondo89 on
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Grammar
Ensure that sentences are grammatically correct and try to avoid simple errors. For example, 'Playing is a one of favourite things for children' should be 'Playing is one of the favourite things for children.'
Task Achievement
In terms of task achievement, your essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages, but some of the ideas could be more fully developed with clear and specific examples. For instance, when discussing fostering social skills, a more detailed example would strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make sure to use connector words smoothly. Some sentences are slightly disjointed, such as 'One major advantage of having many different toys is can stimulate a child's creativity and imagination.' This could be improved to 'One major advantage of having many different toys is that they can stimulate a child's creativity and imagination.'
Structure
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a well-rounded structure to the essay.
Coherence
Your points are logically organized with a clear distinction between advantages and disadvantages.
Task Achievement
The topic is addressed clearly, which demonstrates a good understanding of the question.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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