IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people are relying on the private car as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problems over-relinace on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#people #car #transportation #over-relinace #cars
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The private
car
Use synonyms
 as their course means of
transportation
Use synonyms
 is relied on by most of the
people
Use synonyms
. Nowadays, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
cars
Use synonyms
 will
increase
Use synonyms
 and it will have more impact on the environment.
This
Linking Words
 essay will envoy about problem and solution for
people
Use synonyms
 who use a
car
Use synonyms
 as a private
car
Use synonyms
. Based on data from the Ministry of
Transportation
Use synonyms
 of Indonesia shows that every year the percentage of private
Use synonyms
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 gradually
Use synonyms
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 in Indonesia. Especially for
people
Use synonyms
 alive in the city,
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
are employed and often move from one area to another area. One of the big reasons is the
car
Use synonyms
 gives protection and comfort
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 him. Actually, the fuel produced by
cars
Use synonyms
 can give disadvantages to
environment
Add an article
the environment
an environment
show examples
 like rising carbon monoxide and climate change. On the other impact is making crowded on the way
due to
Linking Words
 almost of
people
Use synonyms
 using private
cars
Use synonyms
 alone and not inviting other
people
Use synonyms
. It
also
Linking Words
 creates a gap in society between rich and poor citizens like in the village. Absolutely, the
Government
Use synonyms
 should be concerned about
this
Linking Words
 problem. There are many solutions for reducing using private
cars
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
Government
Use synonyms
 need to make a policy about the number in every private
car
Use synonyms
 when driving on the way.
For example
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can’t use a
car
Use synonyms
 alone and have to invite a
minimumof 4people
Correct your spelling
minimum of people
 in a private
car
Use synonyms
. If those who are violated the
Government
Use synonyms
 give punishment both of pay money and social punishment.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the quality and quantity should
increase
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the
people
Use synonyms
 will interest in using public
transportation
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, the
Government
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 give a good example to netizens like using public
transportation
Use synonyms
 every day. In conclusion, the percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
private
cars
Use synonyms
 rose and gave more disadvantages to the environment.
Then
Linking Words
, the
Government
Use synonyms
 must make a decision about restrictions using private
cars
Use synonyms
. In prediction, the
private
Correct quantifier usage
number of private
show examples
car
Use synonyms
 will
increase
Use synonyms
 especially in the city.
Submitted by writingbersama on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay does a good job in identifying and discussing the problems of over-reliance on private cars and providing solutions, but the clarity can be improved. Ensure that your main points are clearly stated and supported by detailed and relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is logically structured, there are some issues with coherence and cohesion. Try to ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your ideas flow logically from one to the next. Transitional phrases can help link your ideas more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Work on your grammar and vocabulary to reduce errors and increase clarity. Pay attention to sentence structure, verb tense consistency, and word choice. Proofreading your essay before submission can help identify and correct these errors.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has an introduction and conclusion, which helps give it a clear beginning and end.
supported main points
You have addressed both the problems of over-reliance on private cars and suggested practical solutions. This shows your understanding of the topic and ability to think critically.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: