In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.
In particular
nations, higher education students
live at
family Change preposition
in
house
during the Fix the agreement mistake
houses
university
years
, whereas
in other nations students
apply universities
in different Change preposition
to universities
city
. There are some benefits for their social skills but Fix the agreement mistake
cities
also
some drawbacks about
their personal Change preposition
to
life
. This
essay will argue that the advantages of this
outweigh the drawbacks.
On the one hand, people do not go to the
Correct article usage
apply
university
only for educational purposes, they also
want to be prepared for their social and personal lives. If they go to another city
for higher education, they will live far away their
parents and Change preposition
from their
as a result
of this
, they have to take numerous
responsibilities Change preposition
on numerous
in
Change preposition
at
their
age of Change the word
the
18’s
. They face numerous adult Change noun form
18
life
issue
and somehow learn how they handle it without Fix the agreement mistake
issues
family’s
aid. Correct article usage
the family’s
Thus
these
, their social and emotional intelligence Correct determiner usage
apply
improved
Wrong verb form
improve
years
by Fix the agreement mistake
year
years
and it will be Fix the agreement mistake
year
crucial
development for their work Add an article
a crucial
life
. According to
Oxford University
’s recent research, people who live alone and take responsibilities
for personal reasons in Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
early
Correct pronoun usage
their early
20’s
, Correct your spelling
20s
such
as go
to another Wrong verb form
going
city
for university
, they
have Correct pronoun usage
apply
significant
percentage of Add an article
a significant
achieve
something in work Wrong verb form
achieving
life
because of their social skills such
as time and crises managements noticeably improved opposite to other students
.
On the other hand
, if pupils live with family during the
Change the word
their
university
years
, they can only focus on their major. Because their parents would do their domestic stuffs
in their Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
house
. As a result
of this
, they can easily build a successful academic career. For instance
, if students
live own house
, they will Fix the agreement mistake
houses
responsible
for numerous adult issues, Add a missing verb
be responsible
such
as paying bills and
race, clean the Correct word choice
apply
house
. However
, they cannot concentrate on their academic circumstances and they saw upward trends their
grades.
In conclusion, Change preposition
in their
move
to another Wrong verb form
moving
city
and live
far away Wrong verb form
living
their
families for higher education have pros and cons for Change preposition
from their
students
. Improvement
social skills and taking Replace the word
Improving
responsibilities
for their work Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
life
more
significant than their academic careers. Add a missing verb
are more
Because if
they Correct word choice
If
do
not ready Verb problem
are
for
solve a problem related to their daily lives Change preposition
to
have
an academic career would not be Wrong verb form
having
noticeable
competence anymore. In my opinion, Correct article usage
a noticeable
attend
Wrong verb form
attending
university
which is located in another Correct article usage
a university
city
’s benefits outweigh the drawbacks.Submitted by nur.kaya on
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task achievement
You have addressed both aspects of the question effectively, outlining both the pros and cons of living away from home during university. However, ensure that your points are fully developed and that your arguments are consistent throughout the essay. Occasionally, your point may seem repetitive, so try to introduce fresh ideas.
coherence cohesion
Consider ensuring better logical structure by clearly delineating paragraphs and ensuring that each paragraph contains a single, clear idea which supports your main argument. Your introduction and conclusion are generally well-done, but the main body paragraphs should be more balanced and concise.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are a bit awkwardly constructed, and minor grammatical issues are present which can be distracting. Be sure to proofread your work for clarity and ensure each sentence flows well into the next. Furthermore, try to vary your vocabulary and sentence structure to make your essay more engaging.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarised the main points and presented a clear stance, which is crucial for a high-scoring essay.
task achievement
You made an effort to use relevant examples to support your arguments, which is important for demonstrating your understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly set up the essay and indicated the structure you would follow, which helps the reader understand your points.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?